


Like Riding Bikes

by NoelEnough



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Amputation, Angst, F/M, Female Jack, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Motorcycles, Smut, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:27:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoelEnough/pseuds/NoelEnough
Summary: Lilith Ramsey, adopted daughter of criminal kingpin Geoff Ramsey, has the perfect life. She's a well known and sought out mechanic with her own shop that caters to the criminal underbelly of Los Santos, much to the chagrin of her father. He fought hard to keep her from the criminal lifestyle he had pulled her from, and thus a large portion of his own, but some things never change. You can take the girl from the biker gang, but you can't take the delinquent tendencies from the girl and after Vagabond catches her red handed, he offers Lilith an opportunity she never knew she needed. Working with the infamous Vagabond has it's perks, but how long can she keep it up before it all comes back to bite her in the ass?





	1. Just a Taste

          I sighed heavily as I readjusted my helmet before cautiously walking my bike to the end of the alley I had been hiding it in. I was almost done with this job, I just needed to get away from the scene of the crime. I looked over my shoulder at the backpack full of petty cash I had just swiped from a poorly guarded strip mall. Seven stores, all conveniently connected by maintenance passages and its only protector was some poor Rent-A-Cop who looked eerily like Paul Blart sans the Segway. There was no stealthily leaving the scene, and once my bike roared to life, I raced off down the empty streets of late night Los Santos.

          I wasn’t the only midnight rider and more than a few people tried to race me, but I just wanted to get home before discount Kevin James could call the real cops and easily catch up to me. I grumbled as I sat at a red light and eyed the cop across the intersection warily. There was no need to be afraid of him, this _was_ Los Santos after all. If he even vaguely believed that I was involved with a crime as low as jaywalking, he would have opened fire already. Considering I just went on a crime spree if he was onto me, he would have called in a SWAT team by now.

          I zoomed around the city for a while to lose any possible tails before turning to go back to my home in Grapeseed. It was a quaint little place, small and secluded, far away from the hustle of the city and I had initially bought it so that I could stay away from crime in Los Santos. I had grown up in the thick of it, and once I had escaped that hellhole of a gang, I took off running.

          But now? Now I found myself missing the thrill of a car chase and just generally being a delinquent. So there I was, riding around on the open road with a backpack full of cash and a bloodstream full of adrenaline. Dad would be upset, livid even, if he knew what I was doing but I couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of success that was making my body tingle. Dad had fought hard to get me away from gang life, to distance me from the trauma I had experienced while there, but crime was like riding a bike.

          I was patiently waiting at another stop light when a very familiar man, on an even more familiar motorcycle rolled up next to me. I gave him an acknowledging nod before looking over my shoulder at the pink Zentorno that was creeping closer and closer to me. I couldn’t help but laugh and looked back up at the masked man beside me. I didn’t need to see his mouth to know he was wearing a sly smirk, his skull mask did it for him and his crystal blue eyes sparkled with a dark mischievousness that only Vagabond could make threatening.

          Except I wasn’t afraid of him or the dorks in the Zentorno behind me who were still trying to tap my rear wheel with the nose of their car. I glanced around and once I saw that we were alone, I pulled my helmet off and turned my bike off. Vagabond followed my lead and the Zentorno followed his, the engine cutting off and almost sighing as it spun down. The windows rolled down and two familiar faces popped out and pulled themselves up to sit on the doors.

          “Why are you in Dad’s car?” I asked with a smile and raised eyebrow.

          “He let us borrow it,” Gavin sang back from the passenger window.

          “He let usborrow it under the condition that Gav didn’t drive,” Michael corrected as he tried to kick Gavin from across the car.

          “We’re actually on our way to meet up with him and the others for some late night grub,” Vagabond chuckled as a full on war started in the Zentorno. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind seeing you. It’s been a while since your schedules lined up and I’d bet good money he misses you.”

          “He knows he can call me right?” I smiled. “Just because he’s head of the Fakes doesn’t mean he can’t call me and try to meet up outside of the garage.”

          “But that would be too hard for Geoff,” Michael grunted as he tried to tip Gavin out of the window. “And that would require him to ‘bother’ you and your life. You know, trying to limit your interaction with the crew and all that.”

          I nodded, but suddenly the backpack full of cash may as well been full of gold bricks. It weighed on me like a physical embodiment of guilt and even watching Gavin tumble backwards onto the pavement didn’t lighten the load. I still laughed hysterically, because fuck was that funny, but it sat on my back and nagged at me in the back of my mind.

          “Hurry up Gavin, or we’re gonna leave you!” Michael teased as he quickly ducked back into the car.

“Don’t do this to me boi!” Gavin whined as Michael rolled the windows up and locked the doors.

          “Let’s leave these two to their games,” Vagabond chuckled before kicking his motorcycle to life.

          “I want food more than I want to watch Gavin suffer,” he shouted over our rumbling engines.

          “You must be really fucking hungry,” I shot back before putting my helmet.

          He winked and revved his engine, waiting for my responding rev before taking off down the road. Our tires squealed against the pavement and my system was pumped full of adrenaline again. I found myself grinning as I wove around Vagabond and we almost danced around each other as the city zipped by. What few cars on the road this late were treated like small obstacles that we easily passed and continued our crossing paths.

          It had been a long time since I had such a competent riding partner and having the added bonus of that partner being Vagabond allowed for some more exhilarating tricks and moves. If a cop tried to catch us, I knew he was armed to the teeth and that we could easily escape them. So we blasted through red lights, crossed medians, and slalomed through street lights without a care in the world.

          Dad had fought so hard to keep me away from the Fakes and the rest of the criminal world of Los Santos, but it was times like this when I considered coming back into the fold despite him. I was so much happier in this moment, even with Vagabond playfully trying to nudge me into on coming lanes, and the life I had worked so hard for felt alien to me. Sure, it paid well to be the best mechanic at Los Santos Customs and I had even earned my own shop where I _catered_ to the criminals Dad tried so hard to keep me from.

          That’s why I didn’t freak out when Vagabond hit a pothole going 120 miles an hour, because I had installed his suspension. _I_ had mounted the guns that were hidden behind the grill of the Zentorno that was catching up to us. Vagabond’s black Zentorno was sitting in my shop _right now_ waiting for me to come back after the weekend and finish installing the bullet resistant paneling. I was one of the few people in Los Santos that was certified to deal with the upgrades that crews needed on their vehicles, and I was the only woman in that elite group.

          All that meant nothing as I felt light and free on my bike, breathing in the city air like it was the freshest air I could ever inhale. I was safe, cozy, and protected in the life Dad had pushed me towards and that I built from nothing. It all felt like a lie that I lived to appease him at the expense of my freedom.

          I felt a little disappointed when Vagabond stopped weaving and fell into place ahead of me, leading the way to the restaurant that catered to the criminal elite. Open 24/7, The Last Run was the safest place anyone with a criminal record could go in Los Santos. They paid off the police so they wouldn’t be raided, and there were rules and precautions in place that ensured that no one would pick fights inside. Dad had taken me here a few times because it was the only place he felt comfortable being without another Fake for back-up.

          I pulled my helmet off and shook out my thick brown hair while Vagabond and I waited for the other two to park the car. I ran a hand through my hair to work out a few knots and make sure my helmet hair wasn’t terrible. My heart stopped when I noticed Vagabond watching me intently out of the corner of my eye. I wondered if it was my imagination, but then a shadow fell over his eyes and his shoulders squared before he averted his gaze down the street towards where the Lads would be approaching.

          I raised an eyebrow and if he noticed it, he didn’t react. I gave Vagabond an appreciative glance, something I did regularly with most of the Fakes when they stopped in to pick up their vehicles, and the way he was sitting on his bike with one leg propped up on the peg made me think of a model. Like he was _trying_ to show off the way his jeans fit his upper legs like they were made to fit him perfectly.

          Dad had given them strict orders to limit their interactions with me, even though I was the _only_ one who worked on their cars, but he seemed to forget that he hired the friendliest and most talkative group of criminals in Los Santos. After a few months of regular visits, the Lads started coming in early and messing around in the shop while I finished up. Jack liked to help when she could, and more often than not she would pass me tools while filling me in on the exploits of the Fake AH Crew. Even Vagabond got comfortable in my shop, lounging in my office chair and “supervising” my work while talking idly about video games.

          They all knew I was Geoff’s daughter. They all know that he saved me from the gang I had been raised in and took me under his wing while I regained my footing. At first, he and Jack included me in their easier jobs, but after a few months he decided that I deserved more than the criminal lifestyle.

          “You’re only seventeen,” he had said to me. “You can still turn your life around and leave this life behind.”

          He gave me the money for my first apartment and soon my experience fixing motorcycles got me into a no name garage. From there I worked myself up until I was given a Los Santos Customs to call my own. Geoff had been so proud of me he almost forgot that I would be pulled into the fold of his life. It wasn’t until Jack, out of habit, started handing me tools that we remembered that Geoff had tagged along with her.

          That was when he put his foot down and threatened punishment for getting too close to me. His warning held water for all of two months before Gavin and Michael were back in my garage swinging from the engine crane and Jack was sitting on my workbench and gossiping. The only one who held onto Geoff’s warning was Vagabond, which is why this was the first time in almost a year I had been around him for more than five minutes, much less long enough to check out.

          “Did you have to park ten blocks away?” Vagabond teased as the two lads rounded the corner.

          “Listen man, you know the parking garage for this place is a fucking maze,” Michael snorted. “And I made the mistake of letting Gavin take the lead.”

          “I went left when I should have gone right,” Gav shrugged, not even dignifying Michael with an embarrassed reaction.

          “Oh, on the third floor?” I asked.

          My mouth audibly snapped shut as all three men stared at me in shock and then knowing smirks spread across their faces.

          “Been here before?” Vagabond asked and I could hear his smirk.

          “More often than Dad needs to know,” I said firmly.

          “You got it Lil,” Gavin winked. “We gotta pretend you don’t give a shit about your presence anyway, so what’s one more secret between friends?”

          “You’re gonna need to start paying for our silence soon,” Vagabond cooed in a tone dripping with evil humor.

          “I don’t need to start paying you for one secret,” I snapped back.

          “Oh, I know more than one,” he hissed, eyes flicking towards my backpack.

          Luckily, the lads didn’t take Vagabond’s comment seriously and made their way into the restaurant without a second glance, but I froze in place and stared down Vagabond trying to decide if I should call his bluff.

          He called mine first and reached out towards my bag, leaning in close enough that I could hear his soft chuckle echo through his mask as his hand slipped into the pouch that I didn’t know had come unzipped.

          “We were out scouting new targets when I noticed you driving away from the mall we passed by,” he rumbled as he pulled out a stack of bills and gingerly zipped the bag shut. “Your shop isn’t anywhere near there, and the other two didn’t see you, so I told them I was gonna drive by the mall and give it a quick once over, thinking you were just taking the long way home to relax. Now, imagine my surprise when I pull around and see Paul Blart giving a statement to some cops and the scanner on my bike started to report a robbery.”

          He tapped the radio on his bike with one hand and the other tucked the money into a pocket on the inside of his jacket. I crossed my arms in front of me and held my flat stare as he spoke, trying to show him that I _wasn’t_ having a small panic attack. Vagabond was known for the tracking skills that made him the perfect hitman, but that was way too easy even for him.

          “They don’t know it was you,” he snickered, seeing right through me and reading my mind. “It was smart to cut the cameras because Rent-A-Cop wasn’t paying any attention until you had already robbed him blind. The only reason I knew it was you was because your bag got caught on your handle and the zipper came open enough for me to spy your haul.”

          I glanced back, vaguely remembering the tug on my bag and my instinctual reaction to just move around so I didn’t knock my bike over. I didn’t remember hearing the zipper come loose. I jumped, startled but the sudden heat that had appeared in front of me. My head snapped around and out of instinct my hands came up to push the threat away, but Vagabond didn’t budge and I found myself pressed between him and my motorcycle with my hands splayed out across his firm chest. I swallowed hard and tried to suppress the flush that was consuming my face.

          “Now Lilith,” he hummed, eyes sparkling darkly behind his mask and black face paint. “Geoff has tried _really_ hard to keep you safe and away from this lifestyle, and I _know_ you make enough money to have anything you could ever need, so _why_ would you do something like this?”

          “Did normal life get boring?” he whispered, leaning down to my level and taking a hold of my wrists to keep me from running from his intense gaze.

          “Yes,” I choked out. “What are you getting at Vagabond?”

          “It doesn’t take a mind reader to know that you’ve got the spirit of a Fake in you,” he chuckled, head tilting to the side as he spoke. “Geoff is just in denial. You mean a lot to him and he doesn’t want to see you hurt. I can’t blame the guy, but I have a proposition for you Lilith.”

          “I’m listening,” I grumbled.

          “You want a little thrill in your life but don’t want Geoff to find out, and I have some jobs coming up but need a better getaway driver than Jack or Michael. They don’t have the same finesse when on a bike. You see what I’m getting at now?”

          “Are you blackmailing me into driving you around?” I snarled.

          “No,” he laughed, his eyes drifting humorously to my curled lips. “I’ll keep your secret, no questions asked, what I’m offering is a fix for your adrenaline addiction. You work with me and I can keep you safe and out of the reach of the police so Geoff never has to know you’re putting yourself in harms way. You don’t work with me? Oh well. I’ll find someone else **_but_** you won’t have me to watch your back, and can you hear how upset Geoff would be when you call him from the police department asking him to bail you out? _Because I can.”_

          “You’re guilt tripping me into driving you around,” I huffed and got a shrug and lazy eye roll in response. “Can I think about it?”

          “Absolutely,” Vagabond cooed. “The first job isn’t for another two weeks. Have an answer when I come to pick up my car next week, and when you decide to join me we can start planning from there.”

          “You’re awfully confident I’ll say yes,” I smirked.

          “After watching you ride tonight and knowing that you just robbed an entire mall for shits and giggles, I’m _certain_ you’ll take me up on my offer.”

          He turned away with a sly wink and I grit my teeth before following him. I wasn’t going to dignify him with a response right now, but he was right. I had a need for action, and he had a place for me to fill that need. I felt a little guilty going behind Dad’s back and following Vagabond into danger, but the masked man was right. I was far more likely to get caught or hurt by myself.

          I watched him stride confidently into the dining room where the rest of the Fakes were waiting, spouting something about how he was asking me about a problem with his bike and that’s why we were late. Geoff glared at him for a moment, but as soon as he laid eyes on me, he was all smiles and I could tell that he was happy to see me. I sighed into his warm, loving hug and held him tightly. He was going to be so upset when he found out, because he _was_ going to find out, but Vagabond was offering an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.

          When I sat down beside Geoff, the older man’s arm wrapped around my shoulders protectively, I made eye contact with Vagabond and I could tell that he knew I had made up my mind. His darkened eyes sparkled with anticipation, but underneath them was a bright shimmer that was almost… _warm._


	2. Shopping Montage

          A couple days later, I was putting the finishing touches on Vagabond’s Zentorno for the thousandth time. I sighed impatiently as I looked down at the immaculate, black hood that I was surprised I couldn’t see my reflection in with as many times as I had nervously polished it since I had _actually_ finished a few hours ago.

          I flopped down onto the stool for my workbench and huffed impatiently as I flipped through a magazine, but my eyes wouldn’t focus on the words. Vagabond was going to be lucky I don’t tackle him as soon as he walked in, because all my jitters were his fault and I was beyond excited for what he had in store for me. The first day I was racked with guilt for going behind Dad’s back, with one of his own crew members no less, but it didn’t last long before the energy that was making me bounce my leg replaced the ache in my chest.

          When I had been in the gang, the only freedom I felt was when I was on my bike or out with my friends far away from the bar that acted as their headquarters. While calling Vagabond my friend felt weird, the odd sense of companionship I had felt the night we raced through the city became something I craved. I didn’t have any real friends to hang out with, just a few coworkers to drink with on occasion and my interactions with the Fakes, so my mind had latched onto the connection I felt with him that night. That weird “friendship” and the anticipation of a real job had kept me wired for the last two days, and in just the last two hours that excitement had grown exponentially.

          I looked at the clock and my heart started to do flips in my chest. It was nearly six, nearly time to close and also when Vagabond showed up to pick his vehicles up. He said it was because the likelihood of running into anyone else was lower at the end of the day, but I knew that was about when they started to roll into their hideout. The Fakes preferred to work at night under the cover of darkness, but according to Jack they also all suffered from insomnia so they stayed up playing video games together until the sun rose.

          I thought I might explode when I heard the familiar purr of Michael’s Kuruma, but it all faded when the heavy door to my garage swung open and Vagabond’s heavy footsteps echoed through the empty building. I pretended to be in the middle of reading a paragraph while my mind caught up with my body. The cool wave of realization that stopped my nervous twitching also slowed my racing heart and evened out my breathing.

          _It was happening… I was going to heist with Vagabond!!_

          I hadn’t said yes or no yet. I could still back out, but no where in my mind could I find a part of me that wanted to. So, when he leaned on the workbench next to me and gave me a knowing look, I couldn’t help but mirror the smirk I knew he was wearing beneath his mask.

          “Something told me you wouldn’t need the whole time to figure out what you wanted,” he hummed.

          “Where do you want to start?” I asked, struggling to keep the eagerness out of my voice.

          “Well,” he shrugged as he pulled himself up onto the stool next to me. “I would like to get to know you a little better. I’m the only Fake who listened to Geoff and kept my distance, and I want to get an idea of where your driving skills come from so I can try to predict your mannerisms and reactions. So let’s start at the beginning: Where did you learn to ride like that?”

          “Geoff seriously never told you?” I snorted and laughed when I got a slow eye roll and shake of the head. “Well, I grew up in a gang, the Barbarians to be exact, and I learned to ride because it was really the only thing I was allowed to do outside of the bar. The desert is a great place to practice going fast over uneven terrain, and once I was old enough I took to the streets.”

          Vagabond nodded thoughtfully and his bright eyes flickered for a moment as he took in this information.

          “The Barbarians huh? That’s a rough bunch to grow up with, but I imagine that also came with experience running from cops,” he continued and seemed encouraged by my affirmative nod. “Good. It also means you’re not fazed by guns being fired near you. How are you with shooting while driving?”

          “I was a good shot when I was in my teens, but it’s been nearly a decade so I’m not sure anymore.”

          “That’s fine, I can cover both of us until we get a better idea on how good your aim is. What part did you play in the gang? Were you a lookout? Minor muscle? Distraction?”

          “None of the above?” I said as I tilted my head and shrugged. “Mom was a meth addict and they were her supplier. I was basically a maid in return for drugs. When I wasn’t cleaning, I mostly just went on joyrides with friends and did all the usual stupid teen things: shot at street signs, wove through traffic at twice the speed limit, led cops on high speed chases. Though they were less trigger happy then.”

          “Weren’t those the days?” Vagabond chuckled, his eyes twinkling as I spoke.

          “What were you doing a decade ago?” I asked, totally forgetting why we were talking in the first place and letting my curiosity take the lead.

          “Uhhh,” he mumbled and looked up like he was searching his mind for memories. “I had just moved here from Georgia and was trying to get a legitimate job in web developing, but the economy was shit and the call of easy money in crime was too tempting.”

          “Slippery slope to infamy from there?” I teased.

          “You could say that,” he said, his grin evident in his tone. “I started out robbing gas stations and small stores before my methods attracted Geoff. He needed some muscle for a job, and I needed to pay rent. The rest is history.”

          “When did you pick up the mask?” I continued to press, wanting to get to know the man I was entrusting with my life.

          “Shortly after joining the Fakes,” he shrugged lazily, but then his eyes lit up and I was stunned when he reached out and booped my nose.

          “That’s what we can do while we get familiar with each other,” he chirped and I could tell he was smiling at my slack jawed reaction. “You’re going to need a real mask and heist outfit!”

          “Is all black not good enough?” I managed to choke out as he thought hard about something.

          “I mean, technically yes, but it’s so boring isn’t it?” he sighed dramatically. “You still need a mask though. You can’t Durarara your way through heists. The helmet limits visibility.”

          “Did you just…?” I blinked a few times as the anime reference settled into my mind. “Forget it. Are you seriously suggesting that we go out _shopping?”_

“Yes, I am,” he sang as he hopped out of his seat and went over to his car. “Give me a moment to become less recognizable and we can take off on your bike.”

          “Wait!” I laughed as I followed him. “What do you mean ‘less recognizable’? Your mask is a dead fucking giveaway!”

          “I know,” he replied from inside the car where he was digging through a hidden compartment squeezed behind the seats. “But if we’re going to be hiding our… _arrangement_ from Geoff, why not tack on a few other things to keep secret?”

          The wind was knocked out of me as I saw his mask get tossed into the passenger seat but his head remained behind the driver’s seat. For a few moments he froze like he didn’t fully think through what he had just done, but it was too late to take it back and when he crawled back out of the car I was overcome with the same feeling you get when you see someone naked for the first time.

          I huffed once as my mouth snapped shut and blinked a few times to make sure that I wasn’t seeing things. Vagabond’s crooked smile was just as telling as the sparkle in his eyes. He knew he was easy on the eyes and gave me a quick wink before tossing his leather jacket into the Zentorno and replacing it with a simple black hoodie. He pulled the hair tie out of his long, dirty blond hair and ran his hands through it before pulling it back up into a tight ponytail in the center of his skull. As he tied it back, his bangs hung on either side of his face like open curtains showing off the beauty of his blue eyes still framed with black paint. Once he was happy with his hair, Vagabond returned to his car and pulling out a make-up wipe to clear away the paint he used to blend his eye sockets into his mask. The final, hilarious, touch was a grey baseball cap that he wore backwards, the bill following his ponytail and bangs sticking out around the edges but were pulled farther to the side.

          “You,” I stammered as I gave him another, slow once over. “You look like such a fucking dad.”

          “You know many dads who can rob a bank in under ten minutes?”

          “One. Named Geoff Ramsey. And he doesn’t wear his hats backwards.”

          “Touché, but he’s not _actually_ a dad,” Vagabond hummed. “Though I bet you don’t really care about whether or not he’s your biological father.”

          “I couldn’t care less,” I smiled. “He’s my father. He took care of me until I was eighteen and gave me a place to live when I needed to be away and safe from the Barbs. I love him like anyone else would love their father.”

          “But you don’t feel bad for going behind his back like this,” Vagabond questioned as he pulled the hat off and stuffed it into his pocket.

          “I feel bad,” I shrugged as I pulled on my own leather jacket. “But I’m a big girl, and this is what I want to do. It’s not like I’m being forced to by the Barbarians or by a shitty economy. I enjoy the feeling of running from the cops or pulling off a heist.”

          “A woman after my own heart,” Vagabond smirked and I laughed at the poorly hidden attempt at flirting.

          _“On a related note,”_ I continued as I locked up the garage. “I just wanted to thank you for giving me this opportunity. Weird as it sounds, I’m glad it was you who approached me with an offer and not anyone else.”

          “You’re welcome,” he smiled as he pulled on my extra helmet and flipped up the visor. “It’s not often I find someone who I think I could trust driving me around. Gavin’s good and all but the faster he goes, the more nervous he makes me. As for the others, I was considering asking Michael but then I saw your driving and the backpack of loot, I figured I’d give you a chance. May I ask why you’d prefer me over anyone else?”

          “Because Dad trusts you,” I shrugged and for a moment a shadow passed over his eyes, but he blinked and it was gone as quickly as it came. “I’m sure he won’t if he finds out about this, but the fact that he holds you so near and dear to him means that you’re a good friend and crew member. He wouldn’t deal with your bullshit if you weren’t worth it.”

          “He trusts you with his life, so I’m more than willing to trust you with mine,” I smiled before pulling my own helmet on. “Even if you’re only protecting me because Dad would have your head if anything happened to me.”

          He laughed as I held out the keys and motioned for him to drive because I didn’t know where I was going. He effortlessly threw his leg over my bike and settled in before nodding for me to do the same. I had never ridden as a passenger on my own bike, and it had been years since I had ridden passenger _period,_ so I wasn’t sure what was giving me butterflies: being in a different position on my own vehicle or having a ‘disguised’ Vagabond feel so comfortable in my arms.

          I couldn’t quite wrap my arms around him all the way, so I held onto his shirt under his hoodie. I felt him bristle at my touch and laughed at the idea of him being a little put off by having a passenger, but he reached down and took one of my hands and moving it higher up his torso. With one hand at his hip and the other just above his waist, I felt like it would take a lot to throw me off his back.

          “You’ll be safer when I’m on the back,” he shouted over his shoulder after starting the bike. “I can keep you in place and keep you out of any officer’s line of sight.”

          I nodded and he took off out of the parking lot with squealing tires. As soon as my stomach caught up to us and my grip on his shirt relaxed a little, I found myself giggling as he blatantly disregarded every traffic law he came across and my speedometer quickly hit triple digits once we were on the freeway. I recognized the route to the beach as it zipped by us. My earlier concerns about being off balance or not being able to telegraph movements quickly blew away along with the cars we were weaving through. Vagabond leaned into each turn just before he made it and I was able to keep up with his movements and not throw us off. Eventually his signs stopped coming so much earlier than the turn and I followed his lead on instinct. My heart rate was already up as I grinned behind my helmet, but it skipped a beat when I briefly thought about the trip back when we switched positions.

          Once we were at Vespucci Beach and slowed down to a leisurely fifteen miles an hour, I let my grip on Vagabond loosen and I scooted closer to him so that I could talk to him.

          “So, for the sake of secret identities and all that, what do I call you while we’re out here? Because calling you Vagabond kind of defeats the purpose of the ‘disguise’.”

          He giggled as I made air quotes against his sides. I for a moment I thought he was laughing at my use of quotes, but then I felt the muscles under my hands relax from being fully tensed and I smiled to myself. I was going to keep that somewhere safe for… _emergencies._

“James,” he said over his shoulder.

          “Is that your real name?”

          “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

          I laughed and pressed my head against his shoulder as I let him take me to where ever it was he wanted to go. When I had been day dreaming of this moment, of when I was finally going to work with Vagabond, I hadn’t thought to give him a name or a face other than the ones I was used to. Maybe he would actually be my friend by the end of this.

          “James,” I whispered to myself, trying to familiarize myself with the word so that I wouldn’t slip up and call him by his alias.

          I looked up when the bike stilled between my legs and shook my head.

          “Really? Vespucci Beach Movie Masks?” I chuckled as we pulled our helmets off.

          “It’s where I got mine,” Vagabond shrugged. “They’ve got the best selection and I figured you’d like to have options. If we just went to a clothes store, you’d be limited balaclavas and bandannas, and given your history with gangs…”

          “Yeah. I’ll pass on the bandannas,” I sighed as I took a step towards the small shop.

          “Hey,” Vagabond said quietly, gently grabbing my hand and holding me so he could whisper in my ear. “I’ve got something nearby I want to check out. You look around and I’ll be right back.”

          I nodded and perused the various masks that they had to offer. It wasn’t until he was gone that I realized I had no idea where to start. I didn’t even have an alias or codename. How do you even come up with one? All the Fakes other than Vagabond just used their real names and wore big hats and glasses to hide their appearances. But they didn’t have day jobs where people could recognize them and risk being outed on a daily basis. I racked my mind for something that I would respond to in the same capacity that “James” responded to Vagabond but wasn’t too close to me that it was obvious who I was.

          I chewed on my lip as I was drawn to the skull masks, no matter how many times I turned away so I wouldn’t be accused of copying Vagabond, and I thought back to my days with the Barbarians. I had a nickname, one that wasn’t offensive and didn’t bother me, but I suddenly couldn’t remember what it was for the life of me.

          I hummed as I looked around at the rainbow of skull masks, trying to see if any of them jumped out at me while I ran through names in my mind. It was a food of some kind, I think. I zoned out and stood still as I basically went through my shopping list trying to see if anything could lead me in the right direction.

          “Imitation is the finest form of flattery,” Vagabond suddenly cooed in my ear.

          I gasped and jumped as he pulled me out of my train of thought, and my nose twitched as I smelled cooked meat.

          “A kabab?” I giggled incredulously. “You left to go check out a food truck?”

          “I brought you something from said food truck,” he rolled his eyes and held out a skewer covered in chunks of beef, green peppers, and onions. “Are you actually considering a skull mask or are you just fucking with me?”

          “I’m just drawn to them more than I am any of the others,” I muttered through a mouthful of savory meat.

          My eyes skimmed over the masks before me while I cleared off my skewer. Suddenly one caught my eye and before I could fully process it, I was reaching out to pick it up. It was pitch black like Vagabond’s, but gold embellishments swirled around its features like a sugar skull.

          _Sugar._

My nickname was Sugar. It had started out as something demeaning, but I took it and used it with pride just to spite everyone who was trying to hurt me.

          “Sugar,” I muttered to myself as I held up the mask and its hollow eyes stared back at me.

          “No. Yorick,” Vagabond said through a mouthful of food.

          I slowly turned my head and stared at the man standing beside me.

          “First you throw out an anime reference and now you’re over here about to quote Shakespeare,” I smiled. “I would have never guessed that _you_ of all people would be so well rounded and well versed.”

          “Just because I’m quiet and violent doesn’t mean I don’t relax with a book occasionally,” he winked. “What’s the significance of ‘Sugar’?”

          “It was my nickname while I was with the Barbarians. It’s something that I will respond to without hesitation, but I doubt anyone will ever hear it and be able to connect it to me personally.”

          “Good work,” he nodded. “Now decide if you’re going to buy it or steal it so we can hit up some clothing shops and complete the look.”

          I shook my head as I fished out my wallet and paid for the mask with cash. I felt a tiny bit of pride knowing that this was cash that I had stolen from the mall and now I was using it to buy my first mask. I thanked the cashier, downed the last bits of my kabab, and quickly returned to my bike where Vagabond was already straddling the back seat. He handed me my helmet and the keys with a playful smile.

          “Now, we can go to what ever shops you want, but I want you to know something,” he warned as I sat in front of him. “I’m gonna move around a lot and distract you so I can get a feel for how you’ll react while I’m back here shooting at cops and causing a scene.”

          “Okay, but if I lay this down, you’re paying for it to be fixed.”

          “It’s fine. I know a great mechanic.”

          I shook my head but any sarcastic remarks died on my tongue when I saw the almost affectionate way he was looking at me. His bright, twinkling eyes made my reluctant smile turn genuine and when he winked at me it lacked the heavy, flirtatious undertones that had permeated the last twenty minutes of conversation. I turned away feeling a little lighter in my chest and the sensation continued as his arms locked around me. His warmth spread through my back and into my body as I started to leave the beachfront.

          When he started shifting around to test me, I was glad he couldn’t see the way my jaw dropped for a moment as one strong arm wrapped around me, grabbed my opposite hip and the rest of him turned around as much as he could. Even with him throwing his weight around, I was able to keep the bike stable at break neck speeds. When he was done with his testing, I felt my skin crawl as he slowly wrapped both arms back around me and shifted back into a comfortable position.

          Maybe this little adventure with Vagabond would satisfy more than just my adrenaline addiction. Clearly, I was a little touch starved and his grip on me was doing wonders for the lonely ache I didn’t know I had.


	3. Hits and Hijinx

          The first job was a hit that needed to be done in a public setting. I sipped my coffee idly, my knee-high boots propped up on the chair opposite me as I watched the building opposite the coffee shop I was stationed at. The skinny jeans I had bought just for heisting were still pristinely black and when I scratched at my thigh, my nails left behind a faint white powder. I dusted the marks off before flicking the crumbs from my Danish off my chest and pulling my black, well-worn leather jacket closed over the black and gold pinstriped t-shirt underneath.

          Across the street, a fancy club was holding a private party on the rooftop and the music drifted through the air and could be heard clearly over the cafes own stereo system. From the street, the party goers were indistinguishable but from Vagabond’s position on the roof of the office building next to me, he could line up his shot and make a clean kill. I looked up in his direction, pretending to be observing the various billboards and neon signs, and tried to see if I could find him.

          “Listen,” his voice rang through the earpiece he had given me followed by his low chuckle as he made me jump and almost spill my coffee. “I know this is your first hit, but you can’t honestly tell me that you _don’t_ know you’re not supposed to look at the sniper.”

          “Oops. Sorry,” I murmured and my lips pursed into a flat line as he sighed.

          “You’ll catch on eventually,” he grumbled and I heard him shift around on the graveled roof. “I haven’t spotted the target yet, so let me go over the plan one more time. I kill the guy, get the fuck off this roof while you get your bike ready, and then hopefully we can be well on our way by the time the heat shows up.”

          I didn’t know if he was looking at me or not, but I nodded anyway as I watched the party above me. I adjusted my position and reached up to fiddle with my earpiece and make it look like I was answering a phone call.

          “So, what did he do?” I asked, intentionally staying vague as not to gather attention.

          “Drug trafficking,” Vagabond said bluntly. “Someone doesn’t like that he’s encroaching on their business, so they called me to eliminate the threat.”

          “You get calls like that all the time?”

          “Yes and no,” I could hear him shrug through the mic. “This is the first one I’ve gotten in a long time. Most people prefer to make examples of them themselves. But, I’m getting paid good money for this and the employer has promised to turn a blind eye to anything the Fakes do for a while so I’m not gonna question it.”

          “That level of blind loyalty can be dangerous,” I muttered under my breath.

          There was silence for a few moments before Vagabond continued.

          “Crew life isn’t like gang life Sugar,” he said calmly, almost like he was consoling me. “There is a little less hostility between crews and there is a certain level of trust that is _expected._ The moment this employer goes back on his word, every crew in this city will never do business with him again. In a gang you’d be lucky if even their enemies stopped working with them. I’m not going to jump off the building because this employer told me to, but he’s been a reputable source of work for a lot of people for a long time. I have no reason to be wary of him beyond the usual paranoia.”

          I shifted as he said my alias because I was still getting used to hearing it again. That and something about his tone made me shiver despite the warmth in his voice. He was Vagabond after all, why was he being so kind to me and trying to put me at ease? Probably just because he didn’t want to upset his escape method, but I still appreciated it.

          “Geoff really kept you out of the loop didn’t he?” Vagabond huffed with a laugh.

          “He’s serious about keeping me out of that part of his life,” I sighed back. “I love him to death, and I know he feels the same, but I just can’t understand how he thinks I wouldn’t gravitate back to this. He didn’t pull me out until I was almost seventeen. The habits were already a part of me, and even beyond that I’ve always been an adrenaline junkie.”

          “You’re his daughter,” Vagabond said matter-of-factly. “And as such, he doesn’t want you in any amount of danger. You should have seen him the day you were hired at Los Santos Customs. He was so proud and simultaneously terrified. We don’t come to you solely because of the family discount. We come to you so Geoff can keep eyes on you and make sure you’re safe.”

          “So you all became babysitters because of his overprotectiveness?” I sneered.

          “Jack tried to pry and see exactly why he was fighting it so hard, but even she was shut down. What ever it is Geoff’s afraid of, it’s serious.”

          “And yet, here we are.”

          “Here we are,” I could hear the smile in his tone. “I feel so special. Like I’m about to witness something great. Like I’m going to bear witness to some great moment in your life.”

          “That Dad desperately _doesn’t_ want to happen.”

          “You could have said no and stopped this at any moment. You could still leave. Right now. I won’t stop you.”

          There was silence and his offer hung in the air around me. I could still leave, never hurt Dad and go back to my life before I did anything that would draw attention to my criminal habits. But there wasn’t a single part of me that wanted to get up and walk away. I settled into my seat and sighed heavily as the pang of guilt twinged for a moment but then disappeared.

          “I’ll try to mitigate some of his wrath when he finds out,” Vagabond said softly. “I’ll tell him I pulled your leg or something. It’ll be better for me to take the heat than you.”

          “Why?”

          “Well I mean, if I’m the one at fault, he can yell and scream at me and nothing will change except I won’t be allowed to be near you for _a long time._ If he takes it out on you, you’ll both be hurt and he’ll mope and you’ll do stupid shit to vent and get yourself into trouble.”

          Vagabond and I had been on many outings since our shopping trip, and in that time we managed to forge a relationship of sorts. He knew next to nothing about me, so he filled our time spent on the range testing my aim or on my bike getting a feel for each other by asking me questions. It was surprisingly easy to open up to him, especially when he fixed those bright blue eyes on me. Hell, even when they were darkened by the shadow that passed over them when conversation got serious. This was how he knew that I tended to get destructive when I was upset, and how he knew that my relationship with Geoff was one of the dearest things to my heart.

          “Thank you…” I murmured.

          “Don’t mention it Sugar,” he hummed, clearly focusing on something else.

          I tensed up as I figured out why. Across the street the party seemed to amp up and cheers could be heard as the guest of honor, and Vagabond’s target, arrived.

          “Get ready to go,” Vagabond whispered, his voice flat and even as he focused on the man. “Wait for my signal and have the bike ready to go as soon as I’m down there.”

          “Do I even need to ask what the signal is?”

          His answer was a low, ominous chuckle and I knew that my first guess was correct. I downed the last of my coffee and stretched, staring up at the party like I was just watching them out of curiosity. I was the only one who didn’t jump when the pop of a silenced rifle broke through the air. That was the thing about silencers; they didn’t actually _silence_ the weapon, but “muffler” was already taken. As people on the ground looked around and wondered if that was what they thought it was, the party fell into chaos as screams replaced the laughter, and I was already disappearing around the corner and into the alley.

          I threw off the cardboard I had used to cover my bike and pulled my helmet on before kicking it to life. I walked it to the opening opposite the evacuating club and ran our escape route through my head while I waited for Vagabond to pack his gun. He had a shipping container under one of the many overpasses in Los Santos that he used as a hiding place. I questioned its reliability because there was only one way in and if we were caught we couldn’t escape, but he assured me that it was safe.

          I jumped as he suddenly appeared behind me, but my surprise only lasted long enough for him to get situated before I was peeling out of the alley and away from the approaching sirens. Due to the nature of this particular job, we didn’t run into any heat on our way to Vagabond’s “safe house”. I killed the bike and carefully walked it to the container while he unlocked it. He helped me pull it in and shut the door behind me as I looked around. It was… well… _it was a shipping container._ He had a few battery powered camping lanterns scattered around and some pillows and blankets, but over all it just looked like some random hobo called this place home.

          Vagabond pulled his mask off and huffed as he sank down onto the floor, motioning for me to sit across from him. I slid down the side of the metal box and stretched my legs out.

          “You did good,” he sighed as I pulled my mask off.

          “I barely did anything,” I chuckled.

          “You did barely anything very well.”

          I laughed some more, but I couldn’t help but notice how keyed up I was. I felt like I could fight the entire city and still wouldn’t be satisfied with my participation. I was so pent up with the need to _do_ something that my hands clenched into fists in my lap. His low chuckle pulled me from staring deep into the swirling abyss of violent energy. His eyes flickered to my hands before he raised an eyebrow at me.

          “Do I need to find a convenience store to rob?” he teased and his smirk grew into a grin as I stared at him, trying to figure out if that was something I wanted to ask for.

          “As much as I want to see you in action, that will have to wait for another night,” he hummed, sounding slightly pleased.

          “So, what do I do?” I asked, slowly uncurling my fingers to show him exactly how desperate I was for something to do.

          He looked around the container as he thought, bouncing his outstretched foot against mine. When his eyes fell on my motorcycle, he stopped moving and I could see the lightbulb go of over his head.

          “Do you trust me?”

          “Yes.”

          I was just as shocked by my immediate response as he was, but he recovered quicker than I could and gave me a toothy grin.

          “We can discuss your unwavering faith in me _after_ I get you to release some of that tension.”

          He was kind enough to not draw attention to my furious blush as he hopped up to his feet and held a hand out for me to do the same. Either he didn’t think I would try to pick myself up or I completely misjudged my own strength, but when he tugged on my hand, I gasped in surprise as he effortlessly pulled me directly into his chest. His pupils dilated for a moment as he stumbled back and we froze as we tried to process what just happened. He was the one to push away first, carefully holding my shoulders as a flirtatious smirk pulled at his lips.

          “Geoff would kill me,” he said simply as he booped my nose, a gesture I’d grown used to in our time together.

          “Wait… wha-”

          “Let’s go Sugar,” he said loudly, his voice echoing in the tight quarters and drowning out my question. “You’ve got energy to kill and I’ve got some flares that need to be shot. What do you say we work on your aim for a while?”

          I just stared at him as he opened the door to the safe house, my mouth agape as he peered around to make sure the coast was clear, and my brain shorted out at the implications of his comment.

          “Come on Sug!” he snapped, but not hostilely as he made grabby hands towards me from where he was already straddling my bike.

          I tossed him the keys before pulling my mask and helmet on. He reached into his jacket and produced a flare gun and a bandolier of flares.

          “Let me get onto the freeway and then go wild,” he said as I sat down behind him.

          I nodded as I took the gun and ammo from him, tucking them into my own jacket as he walked the bike out of the container and locked up behind us. Wrapping my arms around him felt different this time, his words echoing through my mind as his warmth radiated through me. I had gotten used to the warm, fuzzy feelings Vagabond gave me and chalked them up to general loneliness.

          There weren’t many men that wandered into my life that didn’t immediately go over board with the “Sexy Mechanic” fetish. I was no stranger to guys wanting to see me laid out on the hood of their cars, and for the most part I was willing to oblige, but when it became clear that I was just a fantasy come true, I lost the desire. It had been almost two years since I had let someone get close enough to me to stir these feelings in my chest, and I assumed that _that_ was why Vagabond was tickling my fancy. I was lonely, he was there, and he wasn’t looking at me like I was nothing more than a nice piece of ass.

          But the fact that his “Geoff would kill me” comment only produced a “That might be a risk I’m willing to take” response in me made me wonder how far those fuzzies went. Was I really so starved of romance that Vagabond was worth potentially opening a rift between me and the only real family I had? I could sign up for some of those dating apps again and try to find literally _anyone_ but Vagabond, but the idea made me sick to my stomach. I had met too many creeps my first time around that I could feel my skin crawl thinking about installing Tinder.

          I sighed and laid my head against Vagabond’s back as the fact that the city’s premier hitman was better than dealing with creeps online. Vagabond must have felt my shift and reached up to tap on my helmet twice before reaching up into his. I slipped my hand up to my ear, turned on the earpiece that he had installed in my helmet, turned it to channel two, and spoke.

          “Yes?”

          “You okay back there?” he asked, his voice sounding a little concerned.

          “Yeah. I guess I’m crashing already,” I laughed pitifully.

          I gasped as he suddenly sped up and wove between two parallel semis. Butterflies exploded in my stomach and I clung to him as he expertly passed between the two asphalt behemoths. Feeling him chuckle against my body _and_ hearing it echo through my helmet made the fuzzy feeling return to my body. The butterflies and fuzzies made me giggle, which seemed to encourage Vagabond because he started to weave in and out of traffic at triple digit speeds. I pressed myself closer to him as my giggles escalated to laughter.

          “Get the flare gun out,” he commanded, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

          I had to let go of him to pull it all out, so I squeezed him tightly with my thighs and felt my stomach get light as I slowly unclenched my hands and peeled myself from his back. While I pulled everything out, Vagabond slowed down a little and tried not to make any turns so that I didn’t panic and fall off. He gripped my leg just above the knee for extra measure when he did have to pass someone, and I hoped that he thought the way I tensed up was because of the movement and not the action.

          Once I had draped the bandolier across his back and loaded the first round, I could feel the tension of an unexciting hit come back. I didn’t hesitate, he did say “go wild” after all, and took aim at a car ahead of us and pulled the trigger.

          A neon pink ball of light sailed across the freeway and bounced in front of the car I was aiming at. Its brakes locked up as they screeched to a halt, the horn blaring as we sped by. I was giggling like a manic school girl as I reloaded and I could hear Vagabond laugh too.

          “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” he teased.

          “It’s been a long time since I’ve done dumb shit like this,” I giggled as I continued my target practice. “I don’t think I’ve had this kind of fun since I started working at shops. It’s just been hard work and upward mobility for the last decade, not a lot of room for personal endeavors.”

          “Happy to help you recapture your youth,” he chuckled.

          “Thank you for helping me recapture the _good_ parts of my youth,” I corrected.

          “What happened?” he asked. “I know Geoff pulled you out of the Barbarians when you were like, sixteen, but why?”

          I sighed heavily as I loaded another flare. We rode in silence as I considered whether or not to tell him what happened. I tried to decide if he was a high enough level to unlock that tragic backstory as I fired off a few more flares. After about three minutes of silence, he finally spoke up.

          “You don’t have to tell me,” he said gently. “I can tell that it’s not something you want to remember and judging by the way Geoff turns green when he even thinks about it I can only imagine the hell they put you through.”

          “If I tell you my tragic backstory, will you tell me yours?”

          I don’t know why that was my response, I had never really put a lot of thought into who he was personally, but it felt like the appropriate response. In all our evenings together, the conversation was dominated by him getting to know _me_ and trying to figure me out and I only knew the odd few things about _him._ I knew that he solely subsisted on Diet Coke, that he had an unsettling obsession with knives, and that he had a small terrarium full of succulents collectively known as ‘Edgar’. But I didn’t really know anything more personal than the fact that he liked to sleep with a pillow to hold onto. He was clearly a private person, and something told me that _I_ wasn’t a high enough level yet.

          “Ladies first,” he shrugged after a moment of thought.

          “Oh, well shit. I didn’t think you’d agree,” I stammered at his quick decision.

          “You should know better than to expect things from me,” he chuckled.

          “Fair enough,” I smiled. “Well, I already told you about why I was there in the first place so that sets it up for you. I was sixteen and just starting to come into myself, and my big mouth got me into all kinds of trouble. One night my punishment was a little… _X rated._ They- They held me at gun point and… made me dance on the bar. Naturally I was scared and embarrassed as hell, and when I wasn’t doing it the way they liked it they pulled me down and started to get handsy.”

          “They had never done anything like that before,” I murmured as my energy faded and I sank into Vagabond’s back, wrapping my arms around him. “So I didn’t know how to respond. All I could do was cry and beg for them to stop, but that only made them try harder to tear my clothes. Kris, the leader at the time, had his hands up my shirt when a single shot stopped it all. I never though I’d be so happy to see a gun barrel that close to my head, but Geoff was the guardian angel I had been praying for.”

          “Apparently he was there to take out one of the lower members, someone who was causing problems outside the Barbs,” I continued. “But he stepped in to save me and took a beating for it. I was too shocked to do anything at first. I just leaned on the bar and stared off into space. It wasn’t until I heard something crack that I came to. It was only Geoff’s nose, but all I knew was the man who just pulled a gun in a gang’s headquarters to protect me was bleeding on the floor while the others took potshots at him.”

          “So, I grabbed the bat behind the bar and started swinging,” I shrugged, hugging Vagabond closer as I winced. “I don’t know how we made it out of there conscious, but we did it. We practically fell into Geoff’s car, bleeding enough that we ruined his interior and he brought me to the hideout. I had nowhere to go, so I spent the next two years in a shitty one room apartment sharing a bed with Geoff.”

          “The rest is history,” I laughed. “He adopted me and I took his last name. He paid for my schooling and I did my best to not get involved in crime again because I knew he wanted more for me. And now I’m here, with you.”

          “And now you’re here with me,” Vagabond sighed, shaking his head as he laughed sadly. “He saved me too you know. That’s my tragic backstory I guess.”

          “How did he save you?” I hummed as he slowed down and made his way back into the city where we had met up earlier.

          “I grew up in Georgia,” he sighed as he tensed up slightly. “I went to school, got a few degrees, and packed up and headed west for the opportunities that it supposedly offered. When I got here, the job market was just as shitty as it was back home but cost of living was almost three times as much. I had a day job, but it wasn’t cutting it and I literally couldn’t afford to move, so I had to find other sources of income.”

          “I took my misspent youth and put it to use,” he laughed darkly. “I stole cars and sold them to chop shops. I pickpocketed the rich people wandering around the city with loose pockets. Eventually I got enough together to buy a gun, and even more of my ‘prior experience’ started to become useful. Turns out picking off soda cans with an airsoft rifle isn’t all that different from picking off people with a real one.”

          “I became numb,” he murmured. “I didn’t see people anymore, just dollar signs and targets. I started robbing convenience stores and banks, not caring who got hurt or killed in the process. I had a mask on and my day clothes were vastly different from my night clothes, so it was never traced back to me. I was without consequences and it really fucked me up. The power went straight to my head and that’s when Vagabond as we know him started to emerge.”

          “Geoff had most of the crew together at that point; Jack, Gavin, Michael, Ray. All more than capable heisters, but none of them really had the muscle to pull off the bigger jobs they set their sights on. So, he came and found me. I was a free agent and more than willing to offer my services up to anyone willing to deal with my bloodlust. Geoff wasn’t too happy with my methods, but he needed me and was willing to work past it. One job turned into two, then three, then seven. Eventually he decided to hire me full-time, under the condition that I prove to him that I wasn’t just a blood thirsty monster.”

          “I went on a murder break,” Vagabond shrugged. “It was hard, trying to rein in those urges and tendencies, but Geoff had faith in me. He didn’t get too upset when I slipped up and went on a spree, and he was so proud of me when I went a whole year without unnecessary killing. If it wasn’t for Geoff, I might have totally lost my humanity.”

          “He may have _actually_ adopted you,” Vagabond laughed as he pulled into the parking garage where we had started out night together. “But he’s just as much of a father to the rest of us. Well, except for Jack, but you know how that goes.”

          “I think she still might call him Daddy,” I snickered.

          “Oh dear God stop,” Vagabond shuddered and heaved like he was going to throw up. “I never needed to know that, and I feel like you have cursed me by sharing this. I _will_ be having nightmares.”

          “How old are you?” I laughed as he dismounted my bike.

          “I am thirty-five years old and I will react however I want to in response to hearing about my boss’s sex life.”

          “I shared a room with them for a few months before I moved out,” I snapped back. “You think _that’s bad?_ Try accidentally over hearing dirty pillow talk.”

          “No thank you,” Vagabond said as he shook his head furiously. “The only pillow talk I want to hear will be coming from the mouth of the beautiful woman laying beside me.”

          We shared a good laugh and chatted for a while before I yawned and checked my phone.

          “Damn,” I huffed. “It got late fast. I need to get home and sleep some before work tomorrow.”

          “You do that,” Vagabond chuckled as he unlocked his Zentorno, which I only just realized was parked in the far corner and expertly hidden in the shadows under one of the ramps that led to the roof.

          “We still on for another job?” I asked and blushed underneath my mask as I heard the eagerness break through my sleepy tone.

          “Of course,” he cooed. “I’ll give you a call in a few days to set up a meeting. Take care Sugar.”

          “See you around Vagabond.”


	4. One Night

          Over the course of the next two months I drove Vagabond all over Los Santos. From hits to robberies; informant shake downs to sabotaging other crews. By the time our last job together rolled around, I felt like I had been given a crash course in crew life. So, when I pulled up to a very familiar shopping mall, I couldn’t help but laugh at the simplicity of the job.

          “You think Paul Blart is still in charge of security?” I teased as we staked out the mall from an alley across the street.

          “God I hope so,” Vagabond giggled as he leaned against me, arms over my shoulders and hands clasped in front of us as we sat on my bike. “His incompetence is what made it so easy for you to get in and out the first time.”

          “This seems so… trivial,” I huffed. “Especially after getting shot escaping the bank last month.”

          “How’s that healing by the way?” Vagabond asked with all the softness I would have expected from Dad, not _the_ Vagabond.

          “Fine,” I shrugged as his hand drifted to the left cheek of my mask.

          It was a miracle that Dad hadn’t found out about my nighttime extracurriculars after that night. I swear, half of the LSPD was on our tail and even my fanciest driving couldn’t shake them. That didn’t stop the two of us from giggling and joking around as he lobbed sticky bombs over his shoulder and I pushed my motorcycle to its limits. It was all fun and games until one of the officers was suddenly granted the gift of accuracy.

          I was flying down a straight away, trying to find a nice corner to drift and hopefully lose some of the heat, when Vagabond’s voice was cut off by a crack and loud buzzing. I lurched forward and it felt like someone had pushed my head forward. Vagabond was able to reach around me and stabilize the bike while I ripped my helmet off. Time slowed as I watched chunks of my helmet and a single, flattened 9mm bullet fall through the half dollar sized hole and onto the ground. Clearly I was fine, but after we were able to escape Vagabond insisted on sneaking me into the Fake’s infirmary and giving my head a proper once over. The shrapnel from my helmet had cut my cheek and mask up, and the deepest one was going to scar, but all it took was a wash cloth and a few butterfly bandages to close it all.

          “You’re gonna rake in all the girls with that scar,” Vagabond purred, the softness evaporating into the oddly comforting flirtatiousness that gave me chills. “Or guys. I’m sure there are a few guys out there that would get all riled up by a woman with facial scars.”

          I smiled, glad he couldn’t see it through my mask or see my eyes and how they crinkled in the corners. My theory of Vagabond curing my previously dormant desire for human contact had been proven true, and his attention always washed over my body like iced tea on a hot summer day. Even the pressure of his arms on my shoulders grounded me in a way that I hadn’t felt in years. He showered me in praise and compliments that extended beyond my figure, but he wasn’t afraid to snap at me when I stepped out of line. I was getting dangerously close to Vagabond, not even just because of his connection to Dad, and I couldn’t care less.

          Which was why I knew that throwing some of that flirtatious energy back at him would fluster him. He could dish it out, but for whatever reason receiving it was something he couldn’t process.

          “You seem like the type,” I purred as I laid my head back into his arm. “You tell me if it works or not.”

          His breath hitched as I slowly leaned back into him looking up at him with my best ‘bedroom’ eyes. I could see his brain short circuit as his eyes flickered all over my face.

          “You make it so easy to tease you,” I giggled and reached up to pat his head.

          “One of these days you’re going to regret poking the bear like that,” he grunted.

          “Or what?” I snorted.

          “Or you’ll get exactly what you want,” he hummed as he got off and motioned for me to follow him.

          “I _want_ to get you all flustered,” I continued as he followed the alleyways and guided me to the delivery entrance in the back of the mall. “And it works every time because you can kill a man without a second thought but can’t handle reciprocated flirting.”

          “You should know better than to push me,” he said, turning to fix me with a look that made my heart stop. “I might not be able to stop myself from acting out.”

          I had seen that dark side he said Dad had pulled him from. I could see it when the sparkle in his eyes faded into a numbness that I couldn’t imagine the depth of. I had seen _the_ Vagabond firsthand the night I was shot. When we couldn’t outrun the police, we had to stop and hold them off. I managed to hold my own, even in the presence of Vagabond, but where I could only pick off the officers one at a time while I peeked out from cover, every time Vagabond popped out from his corner at least five people fell. I sat in awe as I reloaded, watching him move with a practiced confidence that was over shadowed by the numbness in his eyes. The lack of empathy that he was feeling blew my mind. It was almost like a game to him. A game he would win whether they liked it or not.

          “And if I don’t try to stop you?” I quipped back.

          I had seen the darkness that he held inside, but it didn’t scare me. That probably said a lot about me, but I couldn’t ignore how _special_ he made me feel. The Barbarians forced me to do things I didn’t want to do, Dad desperately didn’t want me to do the things I wanted to do, but Vagabond let me run under his watchful eye but didn’t push me if I hesitated. All that on top of the fact that we just seemed to work so well together. Vagabond and I were on the same wavelength and it was something I had never felt before, even with Dad.

          Vagabond stopped at the door, pausing for a moment before pinning me to the wall. I gasped as he pressed his body against mine and leaned in close to me.

          “Then I guess we’ll see exactly how well we work together.”

          I couldn’t stop the embarrassing whimper that his tone pulled from me, and his low chuckle made me shiver. One of his hands was against the wall beside my head, but his free hand held my chin so that I was looking him in the eyes. The warmth that I had seen on the night of his proposal was competing with the dark seriousness of our current situation, and it occurred to me that the reason Dad wouldn’t let any of the Fakes get close to me might also be because he _knew_ Vagabond would attract my attention.

          “You know,” he whispered, sounding as breathless as I felt. “I think I might be a bad influence on you. First I pull you out here and get you neck deep in criminal activity, then I successfully seduce you to the point where all I have to do is touch you to make you melt.”

          “You’re finally responding to the flirting,” I teased. “I was wondering how long it would be before I couldn’t make your brain stop functioning by batting my eyelashes.”

          “Listen Sugar,” he purred, pressing his face so close to mine that I could feel his nose touch mine through our masks. “If you want to flirt all night, I’m willing to give it a try, but I _would_ like to go somewhere else to do it.”

          “Let’s finish what we came here to do,” I giggled, the butterflies in my stomach making me feel lightheaded.

          “You really are a woman after my own heart,” he hummed before stepping away. “Robbery on a first date? You’re one of a kind.”

          “Quit flirting and open the door Vagabond,” I sneered playfully.

          “As you wish,” he winked.

          My previous run through apparently wasn’t a good enough plan for Vagabond, because he then kicked the door in and took off down the maintenance tunnels. My heart jumped up into my throat as alarms started to blare around me and I made a mad dash in the opposite direction towards the electronics shop. I flipped through the channels of my earpiece before I stopped on one where I could hear him chuckling.

          “What the actual fuck!?” I snapped as I slammed into the backdoor of the shop and bolted to the manager’s office.

          “Thought I’d mix it up a bit,” he laughed. “It was about time I saw how you handled going in loud.”

          “You really are fucking insane,” I cackled as I tore the room apart looking for the code to the safe.

          “You love it and you know it Sugar.”

          “What’s the police response time around here?” I asked, avoiding his comment and the way it made me tingle when he said my alias.

          “About ten minutes,” Vagabond huffed and I could hear him breaking stuff on the other side of the mall. “Paul Blart has yet to be seen. I wonder if I scared him.”

          “You probably gave the poor man a heart attack.”

          “He will be remembered as a brave soul who did his best to protect this strip mall until his dying breath.”

          The thunder of heavy footsteps caused me to duck into a corner, but I giggled as they passed me by.

          “Blart is heading your way,” I snickered.

          “Dear God, he’s in for a shock,” Vagabond growled.

          I crept out into the main hall and followed the rent-a-cop as I stuffed wads of cash and various expensive computer parts into my backpack. I wanted to see how this guy was going to react to seeing Vagabond robbing his mall. This was pretty low on the totem pole for Vagabond, so I was willing to be that Paul hadn’t even considered this could happen when he agreed to take the position.

          I peeked around the corner and watched Blart draw his gun and nervously approached the shattered storefront of a jewelry store that I could hear Vagabond rummaging through.

          “Who ever is in there, come out quietly and we can get this over with nice and simple like.”

          Judging by the way his gun trembled and his jaw dropped, our poor friend just watched Vagabond stand like the giant hulking beast in horror movies that raises to its full height and step out of the shadows. His low chuckle rang through my ears and I couldn’t help but giggle as Blart took a few reflexive steps away from the approaching monster. Vagabond moved slow and deliberately, knowing what effect he was having on his prey.

          “F-f-f-freeze!” Paul stammered, gripping his gun tighter to steady his aim.

          “Make me,” Vagabond rumbled as he continued forward.

          My heart sank as I watched his trigger finger pull back in slow motion. I had my hand in my pocket and stepped out from around the corner as I drew my gun, but it was too late. The shot echoed through the mall and I felt like I had been shot even though I wasn’t the one at the other end of that barrel. I was overcome with sadness and rage all at once and if it wasn’t for the low laugh in my ear, I might have killed Paul Blart right there without a second thought.

          Blart and I froze in place as Vagabond continued forward as if nothing had happened. I watched in awe as his hand came up and seemed to rub his chest, but I grinned as he pulled his hand away with a flattened bullet held between his fingers.

          “Gonna need more than that to make me stop,” Vagabond said, his grin coming through in his tone.

          Broken glass crunched under his feet, and the alarms blared around us, but I could hear the light _ting_ as Vagabond flicked the bullet back at the mall cop. It bounced off the terrified man’s chest and the gun fell from his hands. He spun on his heels and turned to flee only to stop dead in his tracks as I cut him off from his escape.

          “Th-th-there’s t-t-two of you?” he gasped.

          I did my best impersonation of Vagabond’s laugh as I copied his slow walk towards the man. I stopped mid-step as I watched Paul’s eyes roll back in his head and he crumpled to the floor in a heap. My attention snapped up to Vagabond, thinking he had done something, but I was met with a similar look of amused confusion. We both started to giggle as we realized that he had fainted.

          “Come on,” Vagabond said and tilted his head back towards the store. “The real deal will be showing up soon and my body armor doesn’t do much good against their firepower.”

          “Where can I get a jacket like that?” I wondered a loud as I watched him move and only now noticed the stiff way his leather jacket moved.

          “Custom made Sugar,” he smiled back at me and winked. “I’ll put in a good word for you and maybe she’ll make you something.”

          “You’d do that for me?” I sang, meaning it to be more of a tease than anything else.

          “Of course,” he hummed as we made our way back to my bike. “I can’t have my favorite riding partner running around unprotected.”

          “I’ve been doing exactly that for the last two months.”

          “You’ve had me,” he chirped as police sirens forced us to move a little faster. “I’m the best protection you could ever ask for. Why would you need a bullet proof jacket when I can take the hits for you?”

          “You would jump in front of a bullet for me?” I snorted incredulously as I hopped on my bike.

          “Why wouldn’t I?” Vagabond purred as he sat behind me.

          I was so caught up in our escape that the slow, sensual way he wrapped his arms around my body took me by surprise and I couldn’t stop the shuddering gasp that he pulled from me. I swore under my breath as his hands molded to my sides and he held me tightly.

          “I’ve gotta keep you alive after all,” he continued. “Not only because Geoff would have my head, but because where would I find someone like you again?”

          “Someone like me?” I asked breathlessly as I started the motorcycle and tried to ignore the way his fingers were kneading my sides.

          “You’re one of a kind Sug. I may be numb to murder, but I still feel attraction,” he continued as he looked around for anyone trying to follow us. “You think I can’t handle you flirting back? _No, no, no._ I can handle it, I’ve just been trying to resist. It’s one thing for me to be heisting with my boss’ daughter behind his back, but until tonight I’ve thought it better to keep it professional.”

          “But…?” I pressed as I watched the police speed past the turn I made a few blocks back.

          “But I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind even _before_ we started working together,” he hummed. “But I wasn’t sure you were worth the trouble. But now I’ve seen just how well you stand up to me and even Geoff’s wrath might be worth one night with you. Just to see what it’s like to hear someone scream for me, and not out or fear.”

          “So what do you say Lilith?” he hissed as his hand slid down to hold my thigh. “How about we go back to your place and do something _really_ stupid?”

          “How can I say no when you’re touching me like that?” I gasped, having problems focusing on the road because of the way his hand was slowly clawing at my thigh.

          “Run me back to my car and I’ll meet you at your house,” he chuckled.

          With our plans agreed upon, his teasing fingers stopped their assault on my senses and he simply held on to me and watched my back as I wove through traffic and back to the parking garage we always met at. He knew where I lived, of course he liked the remoteness of it, so I didn’t wait for him to follow me. At the risk of appearing over eager, I took off down the freeway and wove idly through the cars. I was already on cloud nine and all he had done was touch me and flatter me with smooth talk. Part of my brain told me to turn him down and think about my father’s feelings _for once,_ but the romantically starved part of my mind had had a taste and now it was practically ravenous.

          Soon, my earpiece crackled back to life as Vagabond drove back within range.

          “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re excited,” he teased, his end much quieter without the road noise from riding and I could hear music playing in the background.

          “I haven’t had sex in like two years,” I grumbled as I blushed. “I haven’t kissed someone other than Dad in about as long. I’m a little touch starved.”

          “Don’t tell me things like that,” he groaned and when I turned my head, I could see him following me a couple cars back. “Now I feel like I’m taking advantage of you and you’d still thank me for the opportunity to have someone just look at you.”

          “Oh, people look all the time,” I huffed. “But you’re the first person to treats me like a person and not a sexual object in a _very_ long time.”

          “Oh Lilith,” he said and I could hear his exaggerated pout. “You poor thing. Don’t worry, I’ll gonna treat you like a goddess tonight.”

          After all the almost unbearably heavy sexual undertones, his sincerity almost winded me and the thick lust that had settled in my mind faded into an unfamiliar lightness. It wasn’t bad or uncomfortable, in fact it was really nice and I couldn’t escape the feeling of satisfaction I was already feeling just imagining his hands wandering all over my body.

          “Don’t make promises you can’t keep Vagabond,” I sang as I turned off the freeway.

          “I _never_ make promises I can’t keep,” he growled.

          I barely had the door shut before his hands were tugging my mask and jacket off. I gasped as he spun me around and I came face to face with Vagabond, his blue eyes impossibly dark and pupils blown out as he pulled me to his chest. I bit my lip and ran my hands down his chest, pulling the zipper of his jacket down as I went. His breath hitched as I splayed my fingers across his broad chest, and I couldn’t help but smirk as I felt how fast his heart was racing. I reached up and pulled his mask off.

          “When was the last time you were touched like this?” I whispered as I ran my fingers along his jaw.

          “Long before the last time you were,” he breathed as the darkness lifted some. “It’s not like the ladies are tripping over themselves to get a piece of me.”

          “Not even a few adventurous women in other crews?” I giggled. “Even Dad found Jack after all.”

          “The ‘murderous madman’ part usually chases them off,” he smiled and leaned in to nuzzle my nose. “You’re the first woman in five years to stick around instead of run away.”

          “What can I say? I love the risk,” I hissed as I nipped at his lip.

          I expected a snarky comment so saturated in sexual innuendo that it would be the sole reason a movie would be rated R, but instead I was blown away by a soft and tender kiss.

          “Vagabond,” I whimpered into his lips as his hands crept along my back.

          “Please, call me Ryan,” he whispered back as he tangled his hand into my hair.

          He didn’t give me the chance to repeat it and silenced me with another kiss, but this one wasn’t as tentative. He had tested the waters and decided to jump right in. His lips felt like heaven as they moved against mine. He used his grip in my hair to pull my head to the side as he deepened the kiss and shuddered when I sighed. His tongue traced my lower lip and I could feel him tremble as I parted mine. I clutched at his chest as his free hand came forward and popped the button of my jeans. Ryan smiled into my lips as he slowly pulled down the zipper and his fingers found their way between my legs.

          My breath caught as he rubbed me through my panties and I could feel myself blush as I choked on gasps of air. Ryan let his kisses trail along my jaw and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders for support as my legs threatened to give out from under me. His motions were slow and deliberate, like he was trying to memorize my reactions and the way I felt. Even though the thin fabric, his fingers were warm and inviting, and I was having a hard time keeping myself from seeming too eager. Slowly but surely he started repeating movements that made me whimper and moan quietly. Every sound I made was returned in kind with soft groans and quiet swears.

          I moaned loudly when he gently bit the junction of my jaw and whined as he removed his hand from my jeans, and that was his breaking point. I squealed with laughter as he effortlessly lifted me up and growled into my neck.

          “What would your father say if he knew I could make you moan like that?” he hissed as he walked towards my room.

          “He’d be absolutely livid if he knew you had your hands on me like this,” I giggled.

          “Then I better get this out of my system tonight,” he rumbled as he ran his tongue along my throat. “I don’t need to tempt fate by coming back for more.”


	5. Four Times Ryan Made My Heart Swell....

_Try as we might, we found ourselves coming back for more. We’d run into each other on the streets and it was like a magnet had been turned on. One tryst in the driver’s seat of his car…_

          “I thought I saw you ride by.”

          I damn near jumped out of my skin as his voice came from the shadows to my left. Out of instinct I pulled my gun and pointed it at the source, but he just chuckled as I looked at him from down the barrel of my pistol.

          “How did you know where I’d be?” I huffed as I lowered my weapon.

          “You really think I’m not keenly familiar with all the best hiding spots in the area?” he teased.

          “Fair enough,” I shrugged as I sauntered over to the dark corner he was in and leaned on the wall beside him.

          “How’s my little protegee?” he murmured. “What are we hiding from tonight?”

          “I’m doing good,” I giggled as his blue eyes twinkled behind his mask. “I uh… I might have taken the Gladiator contract.”

          Vagabond whistled and his eyes glittered with admiration. I could feel my cheeks radiating heat as he continued to exude pride and admiration. I also felt drawn to him, my body remembering the way his hands felt and my mind instantly clouding with memories from a few weeks ago. I found myself leaning towards him as he nodded with approval.

          “I was wondering who was crazy enough to take that,” he chuckled. “Breaking into the Gladiator’s hideout and fucking with their systems takes a lot of balls. Fuckers deserved it for what they did, damn near killed Lawrence, but they’re a special group of nutjobs over there at Funhaus. I’m surprised it was something tame enough for you to pull off on your own.”

          “You can just say that you’re impressed,” I rolled my eyes. “No need to beat around the bush like that.”

          The snarky response was cut off but the roar of six super bikes that were circling the abandoned building that I had taken shelter in. I sighed heavily as a chorus of angry men called out for me like a bully trying to flush out their scared target.

          “I can’t be too proud yet,” Vagabond chuckled. “Looks like you have yet to get out of trouble.”

          I chewed on my lip as I considered my options, none of which involved getting out of here anytime soon without a fight. My bike was a few blocks away, hidden in an alley that I concealed with a few pallets, and I only had one clip of ammo so a quick escape wasn’t in my future. I was mulling over the best way to conserve my bullets when Vagabond lifted my chin with his index finger, his smug smirk showing in his eyes.

          “Do you need help Sug?” he hummed.

          “Yes,” I sighed after a few more moments of thought.

          “You’ll get better at this as you go,” he winked. “But for now, I’m more than willing to help a beautiful woman in need. For a price of course.”

          “Oh?” I snorted.

          “I’d really appreciate if that beautiful woman let me have another evening with her.”

          His eyes were so soft that I could tell that he was just as lost in memories of our night spent together as I was earlier. The firm finger under my chin turned into a gentle hand cupping my cheek.

          “Is that your price?” I giggled. “What happened to not tempting fate?”

          “I didn’t get my fill,” he rumbled as he pulled me to his chest. “Turns out you weren’t the only one who was touch starved, I just had been able to ignore it until I got a taste of what I was missing.”

          “I was that good huh?” I grinned.

          “What do you say Sugar?” he whispered as his hand trailed down my body to my waist. “I get you outa here and we get each other off?”

          “What kind of question is that?” I huffed. “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

          My eyebrows shot up because even with his mask I could tell that he was blushing as the redness spread to his neck. He looked away from me and spoke quietly.

          “I know you’re not all that thrilled with guys wanting to fuck you on their cars, but would you mind the inside of mine?”

          “Vagabond,” I murmured as I grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him down to my level. “I don’t mind doing it on the car as long as that’s not the _only_ way you want me but considering the situation I _would_ prefer to stay out of sight.”

          “I think I can do that,” he breathed, eyes already darkening with desire. “I’m parked in the garage next door. We just need to sneak over there.”

          “Easy peasy,” I giggled as he took my hand and led me away.

          Ryan practically pulled me through the halls and to the fire escape that he must have used to get in here considering I had to climb up the broken interior staircase and came away covered in dust.

          “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re excited,” I teased, throwing his own words at him.

          “And if I am?” he asked bluntly, looking over his shoulder at me after checking to make sure the coast was clear so we could dash into the garage where Ryan’s Zentorno was hidden.

          “I’d dare to say that you’re smitten Vagabond,” I smirked as he unlocked his car, tore his jacket off, and flopped into the driver’s seat.

          I stifled a giggle as he yanked me into his lap and shut the door behind me. He grabbed my hips and helped me find a comfortable position straddling him. I hooked my fingers in the eye sockets of his mask and pulled it off, revealing his flushed cheeks and admiring smile.

          “What would my father have to say about this?” I purred as I pulled my own mask off and shook out my hair. “What would he say if he could see his big, bad Vagabond horny and drooling like a teenage boy?”

          “He’d probably wonder why the fuck he was anywhere near me when I’m in this position,” he chuckled as his fingers deftly removed my jacket and quickly moved under my shirt and up my torso.

          I bit my lip as he felt me up, his touch making my brain overload from sensation. Between his deft hands on my chest and growing desire rubbing against my thigh, my body was alight with pleasure and it was all I could do to keep upright. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he’d treat me like a goddess, and I could tell that he was going to do it again even in the cramped cabin of his Zentorno. His mouth left hungry kisses and bites along my jaw and neck and every moan he pulled out of me was returned with a shuddering breath and murmured praise.

          When I finally had the mental capacity to take my shirt off, Ryan’s lips and hands traveled downwards. I giggled and whimpered as he slowly and very deliberately _popped_ the button of my jeans and pulled the zipper down with just the weight of his hand. This time he skipped the teasing and pulled aside my panties to slip a finger deep inside of me.

          He swore as I moaned and clenched around his finger, my hips already rocking back and forth against his hand. I pulled my pants down as far as I could as I rolled against him and tangled my hands in his hair as I pulled his head to my chest. Ryan groaned into my sternum before pulling his hand away so that he could help me out of my pants.

          “Why?” he hissed as he fumbled with his own jeans, not once taking his lips off my skin. “Why are you so god damn beautiful? Why can’t I get enough of you?”

          “I could say the same for you,” I breathed as he pushed his pants down to his knees.

          “I guess we’ll just have to keep going until one of us has had enough,” he smirked.

          I saw his eyes roll back as I sat down on him, my own eyelids fluttering shut as I gradually lowered myself onto his length. Once our hips were flush, he took a firm hold of my hips and I pressed my hands against his shoulders for support.

          “Tell me when you’ve had enough,” I whispered before nibbling on his earlobe.

          He let go of my hips and wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me flush to him and I was totally enveloped in _him._ His smell, his touch, his passion. This time was slower than what we had at my house. Neither of us were practically rabid and starving for contact, and this time around I could tell he just wanted to be as close to me as I wanted to be to him. We kept our noses and foreheads together and just let our rolling hips do the work. I came close to climax a few times but I never tipped over the edge, and I didn’t have to. I stepped out of that car just as satisfied as I had felt the morning after our first night together. The only difference was the odd pull on my heart that I felt as he drove away and the strangely empty feeling I had in my stomach when I finally went to bed.

_…turned into early mornings spent making out on the hood._

          When we finally came up for air, the inky blackness of night was beginning to turn purple as the stars faded into the early morning sky. The view of the sunrise was going to be beautiful from our place on the eastern side of Mount Chiliad, but I was far more captivated by the view in front of me.

          Ryan laid his head against the windshield, his arm outstretched so that I could rest my head on his bicep even though I practically laid on top of him and we lost hours to each other’s touch. It started as a solution to me being hurt from a job and not wanting sex, but it eventually became an almost nightly ritual. We’d meet at the parking garage or at his shipping container safe house, then he’d drive us up the mountain and we would spend the rest of the night laid out on the hood in each other’s embrace.

          Sometimes we’d actually have sex, and sometimes we’d just curl up and talk until the sun had fully come up over the horizon, but no matter what he would make even the shittiest nights feel like minor inconveniences. I laid my head on his chest and he sighed happily as I ran my fingers along his chest.

          “We really do need to stop doing this,” he whispered even as he twirled a length of my hair around his finger.

          “You say that every night,” I giggled.

          “That way Geoff can’t accuse me of not trying.”

          We shared a laugh, but every night he said it and I worried that he was trying to tell me something. I worried that he did want to end what we had but was afraid I would tell Dad for revenge. And I worried that I would hurt if he did want to call it quits. My lazy circles slowed as an anxious pang gripped my chest and I shifted to look up at him. He opened his eyes and the content smile faded as he saw the look on my face.

          “Do…” I froze, suddenly feeling silly about worrying but I needed to get it out there. I needed to know.

          “Do you _want_ to stop?”

          The silence that followed hung over us weighed on me like a ton of brick and I felt sick to my stomach. He blinked at me in surprise before shaking his head.

          “No,” he whispered. “I said we would have to keep this up until one of us got tired of it, and I sure as hell am not tired of you. _Of this.”_

          He gestured to the now violet sky and the hand behind me pulled me in closer to him for a hug.

          “What if we never get tired of each other?” I murmured into his chest, letting his familiar mixture of cologne, leather, and gun smoke fill my nose and bring me down from the panic attack that had been welling up inside of me.

          “Then I guess we’ll never stop doing this,” he chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “We may have to move to a more comfortable location after a while. Watching the sun rise is nice and all, but my arm goes numb and it will start getting really cold here in a few weeks.”

          “My place or yours?” I teased.

          “Your couch does sound nice right about now,” he mused.

_After a little over a month of trying and failing at keeping it “casual”, Ryan was at my door with fancy takeout and a few roses._

          It was starting to get late, but not only did I not have a job lined up for this rainy Sunday night, I didn’t really have the energy to do anything but wander around my house in sweatpants and mope.

          I wasn’t sure when “love” became the appropriate word for how I felt about him, but that definitely was the only word that could come close. Ryan had gone from heist partner to lover in a matter of weeks and I honestly felt so at home around him that being at the shop and living my normal life felt more like an act than it ever had. Like I was just faking it so that I could have a nice cover to hide my real self. The one that wanted to be with Ryan. _With Vagabond._

          I had asked Ryan what we were last night after a job we had together, and he had all but ran from me. Maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to spring the “So, are we serious or is this still a fling we’re waiting to fizzle out?” conversation on him while he was working his way down to give me head, but I needed to get it out before I got so lost in him that the worry faded into a vacant thought. He sat up and stared at me like a deer caught in the headlights before stammering over weak apologies and even weaker excuses as he took off into the night.

          I cried until I fell asleep last night and woke up feeling emptier than I had in a long time. I had just been a fling to him. A scratch to an itch he had all but forgotten. A release that he couldn’t get enough of. And that thought hurt me deep into the core of my being. I wanted him here. I wanted to fall asleep next to him and wake up knowing it wasn’t all just a dream. That I had found someone that made me feel alive and real.

          I was staring at my hot cup of tea when a knock on the door startled me from the empty train of thought that I was caught in. I was even more caught off guard when I opened the door and saw Ryan standing there, soaking wet from the rain and not wearing his eye black under his mask like he hadn’t thought to put it on before coming over.

          “May I come in?” he whispered gently and hearing his voice ripped open the hole in my chest.

          I nodded and stepped aside taking the plastic bag from his hands so that he could start to strip out of his wet clothes. It was silent as he changed into a spare set of clothes he had left at my house and I stared at the contents of the bag as I pulled them one by one. Several take out boxes later, I was looking at a full dinner from some fancy restaurant downtown complete with a slice of cheesecake for desert. I started to plate everything and realized that he had gotten my favorite pasta dish and I couldn’t help but smile. I had mentioned it once. How could he have remembered something I had joked about between kisses?

          “Lilith,” he said, pulling me away from the hot food for a moment and taking my hand. “I… I’m sorry about last night.”

          “I was just…” he looked off in the distance in search of the proper words before focusing back on my eyes. “I’ve thought about that a lot lately, what we are and how I feel about you, but every time I backed away from a real decision on the matter because well… I thought I was just another fix for you. I didn’t want to get too attached and have it end poorly because I expected too much from you.”

          “And when you asked,” he continued breathlessly. “I was conflicted because I do feel something, but you’re… you’re Geoff’s daughter and he told me to stay away from you but I can’t. I can’t stay away because you fit so nicely with me and I haven’t had a partner of any kind that just fucking _gets me_ like you do. Jeremy is a close second but we still but heads all the time and-”

          “Ryan,” I murmured with a small smile as I put a finger to his lips. “You’re rambling.”

          He huffed with laughter and took a few breaths before continuing with his thoughts regathered.

          “You make me feel normal Lilith,” he whispered as he cupped my cheek. “You make me feel like a normal person, even when we’re running from the cops. I can relax and not be afraid that the numbness will come back while my guard is down. I don’t feel the compulsive need to kill or hurt. Even in my deepest lows you’ve made me feel again.”

          “So yes, I want to… to _date_ you,” he stammered as he pulled a small bouquet of roses from behind his back. “I want to be with you. Even if Geoff will castrate me when he finds out. You’re worth it.”

          We smiled weakly at each other, before he gently tugged me into a tight hug. The weight of the last 24 hours lifted from our shoulders as we slumped into each other. Tears quietly fell down my cheeks and I buried my nose into his shoulder.

          The food was cold by the time either of us were willing to let go, but even microwaved take out was perfect with him sitting across from me.

 

 

_When he’d stop into the shop to pick up his vehicles he’d take a few minutes to hold me in my office, out of view of cameras of course, and after a long day I really enjoyed the heavy petting and massages he’d give me._

          I sighed as his fingers worked at the knot in between my shoulders. I glanced up, making sure the camera in my office was turned off even though I hadn’t turned it on in weeks just for this reason.

          “Got something big coming up?” Ryan murmured into the back off my head before kissing me gently.

          “Was it a ‘Purge’ weekend or something?” I chuckled. “Cuz I got a metric shit ton of appointments to fix paneling and _blown_ bullet resistant tires.”

          “There was some fighting between crews this weekend,” Ryan laughed. “We stayed out of it but I know there were three or four involved and that things got a little crazy. Made for some pretty fireworks.”

          “You… _watched_ the fighting?” I asked and gasped as his fingers dug into my shoulders and after a brief moment of pain, I felt like he was sapping all the tension from my body.

          “Of course,” he hummed. “They weren’t quiet about it, and we happened to be nearby, so we set up on a roof and watched the action. The Lads brought a cooler of drinks and everything. Jack was making and handling bets.”

          “Naturally,” I smiled and rolled my eyes. “You make any money?”

          “Nah,” he huffed. “I always bet on the underdog and rarely ever see that money again.”

          “So bet on a more likely winner?”

          “The moment I do, the underdog wins,” he chuckled before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me out of my chair an into his lap.

          “Is that why you took an interest in heisting with me?” I smiled as he started to kiss the nape of my neck. “Because I was a newbie and an underdog?”

          “I’ve already told you,” he said with a shake of his head. “I had a crush on you before Geoff put his foot down. I was the _reason_ he put his foot down. I saw that you were getting into dangerous situations, knew you weren’t going to ask him for help if you got in trouble, and felt compelled to protect you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

          “You were the reason he put his foot down?” I asked as I leaned back into him. “You never told me that. You just said that he didn’t like you guys getting close.”

          “He didn’t, but he _especially_ didn’t like the way I looked at you,” I could feel Ryan’s face heat up as he spoke. “His ‘Dad Senses’ were tingling one day and he caught me watching you work. I think it was one of his cars, but you were just gliding around and humming along to the music and I couldn’t help it.”

          I laughed quietly as I laid my head back on his shoulder.

          “Don’t laugh at me,” he growled before nibbling at my neck. “I have a weakness for women who aren’t afraid to get dirty, and you make it look _so good.”_

          “Flatterer,” I murmured as I let my head fall to the side.

          “You know you like it,” he muttered back as he kissed at the newly exposed skin.

          “I like it because I know you mean it,” I smiled, cuddling back into his warmth.

          “Of course I mean it,” Ryan whispered. “I care about you.”

          My heart swelled as he said those words. He hadn’t said ‘love’ yet but he didn’t have to. Having his attention and knowing that I was important to him. That was all I needed.


	6. ..... and the One Time He Ripped It Out

          We spent a year like that, dating and heisting behind Dad’s back. With Ryan at my side, I had worked up a decent reputation as Sugar and was getting jobs left and right. I still managed to juggle my day job with my schedule as Sugar, so I didn’t have to worry _too_ much about Dad finding out about my double life. The kicker was when Ryan started sneaking me into his apartment after late night jobs.

          The Fake AH Crew owned and operated out of a six-story apartment building that they lovingly referred to as “The Complex”. The top floor was their common area, where they met for heist briefings and hung out during off hours. The next three floors were their apartments. Geoff and Jack shared a room and across the hall from them was Jeremy, below them was Gavin and Michael in those two apartments, and below them was Ryan on a floor of his own with the spare apartment. So, it was easy for me to get in and out unseen as long as I left at the right time, the problem came when someone would stop by unannounced. Once Dad even stopped by while I was in the shower and Ryan _told_ Dad that he was seeing Sugar, which was fine on the surface and not really a lie at all, but the second it got out that I was Sugar we would both be in deep shit.

          Even with the extra precautions we had to take, I started to feel at home when I was with Ryan. I used to hate staying home and not doing anything, but with Ryan I could waste days at a time curled up on the couch playing video games. I wasn’t the only one who was affected by our relationship. Ryan’s more violent tendencies started to fade when we weren’t on a job, and even the Fakes noticed the change. Jack was quick to come into my shop and ask questions about Sugar because “Vagabond won’t talk about her and I’m assuming you’ve worked on her bikes.” The Lads wanted to meet the woman who brought out the human in Vagabond and even Dad was happy for him.

          “The guy’s got a lotta problems. If he’s found himself a woman who can deal with those and actually help him out, I won’t question it. He deserves a little happiness.”

          Waking up next to Ryan was enough to make my heart skip a beat, and this evening was no different. On weekends I ruined my own sleep schedule by copying Ryan’s, so that meant staying up until seven in the morning and waking up at four in the afternoon. I opened my eyes and saw Ryan facing away from me, sleepily scrolling through his newsfeed as he tried to wake up. I scooted over and pressed kisses to his shoulders as I tried to wrap my arms around him.

          “Hey there,” he rumbled and rolled onto his back.

          “Hey,” I smiled and laid my head in the crook of his arm. “We still on for dinner after work?”

          “Of course,” he yawned and pulled me onto his chest. “I wouldn’t dream of missing our early anniversary dinner.”

          “I thought it was late,” I murmured.

          “Pretty sure it’s early,” he chuckled. “Well… If we started from our first job together, then yeah it’s late. But I’m going off of when you actually asked me what we were to each other, which I’m pretty sure was like three months after we started working together.”

          I hummed in acknowledgement and couldn’t wipe the dumb smile from my face. No matter when we started the timer, it didn’t feel like a year and yet it felt like we had been together forever. Ryan ran his hand through my hair and gently rubbed his thumb against my forearm as I ran my fingers in lazy circles against his chest. I had always wanted to know what it was like to have someone like Dad had Jack, and if this was even a fraction of that, I knew why they followed each other to the ends of the Earth.

          “Hey Lil.”

          I hummed again as I sat up to look at him because he sounded serious. Like we needed to talk about something big and I might not like the topic. He used the same tone when he mentioned telling Dad, or when we first started dating and he was concerned about accidentally hurting me if we ended up on opposite sides of crew conflicts, but the look in his eyes was confident and yet still nervous. The hand in my hair came forward to cup my cheek and a sweet, content smile spread across his face before he licked his lips and swallowed.

          “I love you.”

          The weight of the words made my heart stop, and I blinked owlishly at him as I wondered if I was still asleep and this was just a dream. But the worry that crossed his face and made his smile falter made my body kick back into gear. I laughed quietly and smiled back as I scooted up to be at eye level with him.

          “I love you too.”

          My lips had hardly stopped moving when he pulled me down for a lazy kiss. I melted into him as we covered each other’s faces with kisses and we laid there like that for almost another hour before he made himself get up.

          “Geoff said we didn’t need to be upstairs until five thirty, but if I let you keep me in bed I may never get up,” Ryan teased as he stood. “And we don’t need him coming in here wondering why I’m missing and seeing _why_ I’m missing.”

          “I need to get outta here before he even comes that close to the garage anyway,” I sighed and started to put my clothes on.

          “Hold on a sec,” he hissed and pulled something out of his desk.

          “Close your eyes.”

          I laughed and did as he said while pulling my pants up. I heard him cross the room and my skin bristled as his warmth spread across my back. He opened a jewelry box of some kind and tossed it onto the bed behind us. The cool touch of a necklace made my breath hitch but Ryan soothed it by kissing the nape of my neck after fastening the chain. I opened my eyes and looked down at the gold heart laying between my collarbones. Even in the dim lighting of Ryan’s room the sapphire set in the center sparkled.

          “Ha-,” He started, but the words caught in his throat so he buried his nose into my shoulder before he could continue.

          “Happy Anniversary,” me murmured and I could feel his blush. “You know how I suck at giving gifts. I couldn’t wait until tonight to give it to you.”

          “You’re too much,” I laughed breathlessly. “You go and act all bashful and sweet like this just for me, as if you’re not going to go out and kill someone tonight.”

          “I am a man of many talents,” he shrugged, the confident tone returning to his voice as the human emotions passed.

          “I love it Ryan,” I smiled and turned my head to kiss his cheek.

          “I knew you would,” he whispered. “Now, as much as I hate to say it, get outta here. We both got places we need to be.”

          “Text me when you’re done with your job,” I nodded and continued getting dressed. “We’ll meet at my place after we’re both done.”

          “I’ll be there,” he murmured and kissed my nose. “I promise.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          I pulled at the scratchy balaclava the Hell Bringers had given me to wear for this job. They were meeting with another crew to discuss an on-going conflict between them, but Adam suspected that they might cause problems and be difficult, so he hired me to be some extra muscle. He had paid me more than enough to be worth swapping my usual mask for one to match theirs, but I was still ready for this job to be over so I could hurry up and take the stupid thing off and be with Ryan.

          “Now, Sugar,” Adam nodded towards me, his black curls bobbing as he did so. “I want you to patrol the rooms around this one. I don’t like surprises, and I need you to take care of anyone that tries to interfere with our meeting.”

          I nodded as I looked at the map he was gesturing towards. I just needed to keep an eye out in two rooms that were connected to each other and the meeting room by large garage doors. Seemed easy enough. They take care of their beef while I wander around and make sure no one tries any funny business.

          With the details hashed out and the meeting time quickly approaching, I slipped off into the adjacent rooms and started my patrol. The lights were kept off, but there were _just_ enough light coming through the windows to be able to see outlines of stacks of crates and the odd table. Seeing a person who was trying to sneak around was going to be difficult, but as time passed my eyes grew accustomed to the darkness. I could see the black shadows of rats scurry along the walls as the other crew arrived and the meeting began.

          Silently, I paced the two rooms from the catwalk that ran along the outside wall. When I got close enough to the main room, I tried to take a peek in to see who they were talking to, but there was no good angle and at most I could see the Hell Bringers standing at a table with a map laid out on it. After an hour I was starting to get antsy, I hopped down from the catwalk and wove in and out of the crates.

          I was about to go back up top when the rustle of leather caught my attention. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to pinpoint the direction of the sound until they were jumping off a stack and onto my back.

          He grunted as we hit the ground, his hands already groping at me in the dark and hunting for my throat. I threw my elbow back into his chest and scrambled to my feet as he gasped for air. I sprinted towards the door to the main room, but my assailant recovered quickly and was on top of me in seconds. He grabbed me from behind and tried to put me in a choke hold, but I thrust my head backwards and connected with his jaw with a solid crack. My vision spiraled from the hit and while he did let me go, I fell to the ground as my balance tried to compensate for my dazed spinning. I could hear him scrambling towards me and rolled over onto my back, ready to kick and punch my way out of this.

          But the daze was too much and he easily swatted my hands away and caught my cry for help in my throat as he wrapped his hands around my throat. I clawed at his hands, but he was wearing thick gloves and his leather jacket was even thicker. Tears welled in my eyes as I could feel reality fading from my senses. I started to go numb as I tried to breathe, but I could feel my lips and nose going cold and one thing came to mind as my arms suddenly became too heavy for me to hold up and fight back.

          At least I got to hear him say he loved me.

          Suddenly everything became bright and my vision was blurry. I thought death was supposed to be a tunnel with a light at the end, not a sudden jump into the light, but I realized I wasn’t dead as soon as the pressure on my throat was released and I practically screamed as I inhaled gulps of air. The light faded a bit and the blur of tears disappeared as I blinked and coughed.

          “Damn it,” Adam huffed as I felt hands tenderly grab my shoulders.

          There was a round of swearing and gun fire, but when I tried to get up and join the fleeing footsteps the hands on my shoulders held me firm. I turned to face the person holding me down. Ryan’s eyes were full of tears and the sheer horror was clear even through the skull mask. It wasn’t until he reached up to cup my cheek and pulled his gloved hand away from me like I had burned him.

          I sighed, my throat scratchy and in pain as I tried to collect myself. I drooped into Ryan’s chest and let him hold me. After a while, I pulled away and looked up at him.

          “I love you,” I whispered, but the feeling faded as I got a good look at him.

          I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much pain in one pair of eyes, but it almost knocked me over as Ryan fixated on my throat where I knew I was already developing bruising. I could hear him open his mouth but there was a choked sound as a sick shadow passed over him. He took a few steps away from me, leaving me cold and swaying in his sudden absence.

          “Ryan?” I murmured, fear gripping my chest.

          I could see the realization cross his eyes as he took a few more steps back. This was his worst nightmare.

          “I… _I almost killed you Lil…_ ” Ryan seemed to be in a haze as he held his hands in front of him like they were covered in blood.

          “But you didn’t Rye,” I said quickly, trying to take his hands. “You were tricked Baby. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

          “I hurt you.”

          His voice was distant as he locked onto my neck again, tears disappearing behind his mask as they flowed down his cheeks.

          “I love you and I still hurt you.”

          He was breaking. I could hear it in his voice and see the fractures forming in his expression.

          “Rye,” I breathed, begging for him to listen to me as I reached out for him.

          I felt a black hole open up in my chest as he backed away from my touch.

          “I told you this would happen,” he sobbed quietly. “I told you I’d hurt you.”

          “It’s oka-”

_“It’s not okay!”_ he roared, making me flinch away from him. “I should have known better. But I ignored the truth and I hurt you. I almost killed you. _I almost killed you and enjoyed it!”_

          He was trembling now, but every time I made a move to console him, he ran away from me. The fear and pain in his tone made the air around us drop several degrees and I was struggling to breathe around the pain in my heart.

          “Baby,” I whimpered. “Baby don’t do this.”

          “I can’t do this Lil,” he hissed back even though I could see him dying on the inside. _“I can’t be around you if it’s going to kill you.”_

          The same deer in the headlights look that he had given me when he ran from me a year ago appeared and I felt my soul leave my body as he turned on his heels and ran from me again.

          I wanted to scream and run after him, but my body was stiff as the cold ache hardened my joints. My breathing was shaking, and I couldn’t tell if the pain in my throat was from my heartache or the throttling. I fell to my knees as I heard his car roar to life a few blocks away and fade into the distance and I was left in the warehouse alone.

          “But you promised.”

          The room around me blurred again as I fought to pull myself together, but all I could to was lay down on the cold concrete floor. The necklace felt like it weighed a ton as it slid out from under my coat and clattered to the floor, ringing through the dark room like a thousand spent bullet casings.


	7. Dad Does His Best

          “Sweetheart,” Dad murmured. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me in.”

          His heavily tattooed hand gently held mine and my still aching heart warmed up to the affection. I held onto his hand tightly as I tried to formulate my response.

          It had been about a little over a month since the warehouse incident, and that night was the last time I heard from Ryan. Going home to a kitchen full of food waiting to be made had been worse than hearing him drive away, and I had locked the doors physically and mentally ever since then. I showed up at the garage on time, the life of a mechanic becoming the only thing I looked forward to. I dove into my work and barely registered when anyone came in. Even the Lads only stayed long enough to sign paperwork before taking off, leaving behind the shell I had become.

          “I don’t know what to tell you Dad,” I sighed sadly, clutching his hand as the words threatened to choke me. “He… He meant the world to me and now he’s gone.”

          I had been intentionally vague with everything I told Dad. He didn’t need to know that I was fighting deep depression because his hitman almost killed me in front of him. I could tell that my delicate dance around the details was irritating him, but he knew better than to force things from me.

          “I can see that,” Dad huffed. “But I can’t stand seeing you like this. Especially when I barely understand why he meant so much to you.”

          “I don’t want you going after him.”

          “I wouln-”

          Dad’s lips pursed as I glared at him, silenced by my knowing look.

          “I love him,” I muttered, my heart _wanting_ to be uplifted by the declaration but was barely able to beat through the heavy sadness.

          “At least tell me what happened,” Dad begged. “Maybe talking about it will help a little.”

          I chewed on my lip and stared out the window of The Last Run. The black sky was starting to turn purple and my fingertips ached as I clung to the hands cradling mine. If I wasn’t careful, I could let myself believe I could feel Ryan’s arm over my shoulders and the sharp pain in my chest would bring me back to my sad reality.

          “We started dating knowing we would have to work through some things,” I muttered, picking my words carefully. “He has a history of accidentally hurting the people around him, and he didn’t want to do that to me. We thought we were doing good, but then he did it. It wasn’t anything I wasn’t willing to move past, but he panicked and ran. He broke up with me and ran. I haven’t heard from him since.”

          I was fighting to speak through harsh sobs by the end of my explanation and every breath felt like I was in subzero weather. My lungs burned and my chest threatened to seize up as I started to shake. I yelped as Dad’s arms suddenly wrapped around me and I felt everything break down within me. I buried my face into his shoulder and I could faintly smell the gunpowder that was trapped in his suit.

          Jack must have seen me riding around, unwilling to let myself sleep and be haunted by the piece of me that was missing, and told Dad because he practically ordered me to join him tonight. I hurt so much because of all the feelings I had been trying to bury, but I was also grateful to have someone hold me. The fabric gathered under my fingernails as I clutched him to me like he was going to run away too.

          “Daddy,” I breathed. “I thought I had found my Jack.”

          I was going to say more, but he squeezed the air out of me as he buried his face in my shoulder and started to shake.

          “It’ll be okay Baby Girl,” he whispered. “Either he’ll realize he’s being an ass or you’ll move on. Either way, I’m right here Sweetheart. Don’t you ever think you need to hide things like this from me. All I want is for you to be safe and happy.”

          “I’m not dumb Sweetie,” he sighed as he composed himself and pulled away. “I know you’re being this tight lipped because he’s a part of a crew. You’ve never kept things like this from me before when they were just normal people, and you sure as hell wouldn’t keep it from me for over a year if it was a normal guy. Please, just tell me it’s not one of the Cow Chop guys.”

          I snorted and shook my head, smiling weakly as he grinned at me through his own tears. He cupped my cheek and kissed my forehead while I calmed down.

          “Good,” he muttered into my hairline. “I’m willing to tolerate a lot of things for the sake of your happiness, but I’m not sure I could handle you being near Cow Chop. I’d rather you were fucking Vagabond.”

          I couldn’t help but choke on a giggle, but I was so thrown off that my giggle turned into full blown laughter at the irony of it all. The waitress looked at me like I was out of my mind but I couldn’t stop myself long enough to thank her for the coffee she brought me.

          “Lil,” he sighed as I quieted enough to attempt to drink. “Please tell me you don’t want to fuck Vagabond.”

          I looked up at him as I took a sip, locking eyes with him and trying to read his intentions as well as tell him. _Yeah… I kinda do._

He sighed again and looked out the window at the rising sun before letting out a short huff of laughter.

          “Well, I meant what I said,” he smirked. “Just don’t try anything with him just yet. He and Sugar fell out… He’s not in a good place right now and I don’t want him to hurt you because he’s still hurting.”

          “What happened?” I asked, curious to see what Ryan had told everyone.

          “They ended up on opposite sides of a fight without knowing it and he almost killed her,” Dad said, being surprisingly blunt when I assumed he would lie to keep me out of the loop. “He didn’t tell us exactly who broke up with who but judging by the way he was wringing his hands for the next few days, he called it off.”

          “Poor guy,” I murmured, trying not to break into tears as I imagined him trying to go through this alone.

          “He’ll never forgive himself,” Dad said with a shake of his head. “He was starting to think maybe he was human after all.”

          My coffee was still too hot and I burned the inside of my mouth as I gulped it down to hide my pain. I gripped the mug tightly as I tried to compose myself, but it wasn’t going to happen and a tear fell down my cheek.

          “Really Lil?” Dad teased as he reached over to wipe it away.

          “I guess I understand a little too much…”

          We talked well into the morning and I went home feeling a little better now that I had someone who knew the situation, even if only vaguely. But there was still one thing that made me hurt outside of my now usual depression. Ryan didn’t have someone to open up to. Or at least no one he wanted to open up to. I just wanted him to know that, no matter what, he had someone there for him. Sleep was pulling me under as I stared at my phone, trying to force myself to send the message waiting in the text box, but I was busy reading the last conversation we had.

          I still loved him. Ryan was still the best thing that’s happened to me since Dad saved me, and I knew nothing was going to change that. He had brought some life into my boring existence, and now it was all gone again. I fell asleep after making sure it sent. He needed to know.

_I know you’ll never be able to forgive yourself, but I’ll be here for you when you’re willing to move passed it._


	8. Outing

          I took a longer route home, pushing the limits of my bike to feel something, anything to get my heart rate up, but I was as numb as I had ever been. The one year anniversary of the warehouse incident was coming up and I still hadn’t heard a word from Ryan, and I was feeling too hollow to do much of anything beyond dragging my feet to the garage after spending the night speeding through town. Even Sugar fell to the side because I was unable to rein myself in. My depression led me to become reckless, and after one too many close calls I realized that I was lashing out and was going to get myself killed. And so, I fell back into the monotony I had grown used to prior to my midnight heisting. Work, home, ride, home, repeat.

I tried dating, I downloaded all the apps I told myself I wouldn’t, went on a few dates, and was ultimately disappointed. They were either afraid of me because of my last name, or they were trying way too hard to impress me. Maybe Ryan had ruined me. He never tried to impress me, and he certainly wasn’t afraid of Geoff Ramsey like these guys were. He and I just _fit._

I turned onto my long driveway and slowed to a relative crawl as the measly forty miles an hour felt like I was moving through molasses. I could feel the pang of anger, a part of me hating my inability to move on but it was doused as the hum of the bike vibrated through me. He even managed to make my favorite pastime remind me of him and closed my eyes as I willed the tears away.

          I wanted to move on and feel happy, but the moment I tried to imagine myself with someone else all I could feel was him. The feeling of his fingers in my hair, his low chuckle and bright smile, his lips on my cheek. The necklace he had given me hung around my neck like a noose in moments like this, but there were other times where it was the only solid thing holding me together. The metal was polished where I rubbed my fingers raw and faded everywhere else from constantly wearing it. Its cool touch was almost always followed by a warm pressure on the back of my neck that made my heart collapse in on itself. I always tried to leave it at home, but the prospect of spending the day alone always brought me back to it.

          I wanted to hate Ryan for what he had done to me, for the way he had destroyed me, but then I remembered the pain in his eyes and the way he was shaking. Then I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him and if there were moments when he didn’t feel my throat in his hands when he tried to imagine being with me.

          The acrid stench of burning gasoline pulled me from thoughts of Ryan’s hands and once the tears fell down my cheeks I saw that the forest was flickering red and orange. I slammed on the brakes hard enough that I almost flung myself over the handlebars and for the first time in weeks I felt something.

          Panic.

          The kickstand barely held my bike up as I took off into the trees and crept to the edge of the clearing that my house was built in. I had been a lot of things recently, but dumb enough to leave a fire hazard in my own home was not one of them. My heart was in my throat as I saw a black van parked near the driveway and a group of men lounging around it as they watched my house burn.

          It was almost totally gone by now, the support beams were all that were still standing and even those were audibly creaking. My little Issi could be seen under the collapsed roof of my garage and the tires were melted to the ground. Seeing my home in flames ignited my feelings and I tiptoed closer to them so that I could get a better idea of what was going on. I didn’t think I had pissed anyone off _this_ badly, but I had gotten myself into some sticky situations without Ryan there to rein me in. Besides, no one should know who I am. I hid behind a tree and strained my ears to hear them over the roaring fire, but luckily they were also having problems hearing and were practically shouting at each other. I stifled a low growl as one voice in particular stuck out.

          “We need to find her still,” Adam told his men. “If Lilith goes running off to Daddy, this was all for nothing and we’ll have the Fakes breathing down our necks with no leverage.”

          My skin prickled and my mind raced. Adam knew I was Sugar, and that meant he knew that Geoff’s daughter was banging one of his crew member’s behind his back. So why wasn’t he telling Dad? Why was he burning my house down?

          “I’ll tell the others to stake out her garage,” one of the other Hell Bringers said. “Once we got her, what then?”

          “We ransom her ass out and then wait for chaos to descend upon the Fakes,” Adam huffed.

          “You really think just knowing about it all is enough to rip them apart?” another crew member laughed. “It was one thing when we planned on Vagabond killing her in front of Geoff, that would have seriously caused problems. This seems like it’s got too many variables.”

          “I’m willing to bet that overprotective Dad Geoff will over rule any logic Vagabond and Sug might try to bring to him. Or better yet, things are so awkward between Vagabond and Sug that he snaps. I’m willing to bet he _loved_ choking her right up to finding out it was Sug.”

          “You’d think he would have recognized her the moment he mounted her.”

          “He probably wasn’t used to fucking her face to face.”

          There was a collective chuckle and I felt something deep within me break. They had done it on purpose. We weren’t in the wrong place at the wrong time, they wanted Ryan to kill me. They wanted to hurt him like that. _They were the reason he was gone._

          Before I knew what I was doing, I had my gun drawn and aimed at Adam’s head all feeling gone except for an itch in the space between my heart and my stomach. An itch that drove me to pull the trigger.

          Just as I squeezed my finger, the beams of my house collapsed and everyone flinched. My aim went wild and the shot ripped through the shoulder of one of Adam’s henchman.

          “Fucking get the bitch!” Adam roared as I took off back towards my bike.

          I could feel my heart racing again as I tore down my driveway, the van keeping up with me surprisingly well but not well enough to keep me within firing range. He had men on their way to my garage, my house was gone, and they were hot on my tail. I swallowed hard as I came to the conclusion Adam was hoping I wouldn’t. I fumbled clumsily with my phone and ducked low as a dial tone echoed through my helmet.

          “He sweetie! What’s u-”

          “Dad, I’m in trouble.”

          There was the murmur of a soft voice in the background that faded into silence as I interrupted Dad. My heart was sinking. He was going to be so upset with me, with Ryan, but as my tires squealed onto the freeway the van was having an easier time keeping pace with me.

          “What kind of trouble?” Dad asked, his worry being poorly hidden behind a firm bravado. “Who do I need to kill?”

          “No offense Dad, but I’m calling dibs on their heads,” I huffed and I couldn’t tell if I was shaking because of anger or fear. “I’ll explain later when you’re sitting down, but for now I need you to meet me somewhere safe. Where are you? Who are you with?”

          “It’s just me and Jack. We’re downtown staking out marks.”

          “Dad, I need you to meet me at my shop,” I sighed as I thought about how exposed I was on my unmodified bike and normal leather jacket. “But you need to be careful. I’m pretty sure they’ve got people watching the place and you showing up will probably spook them. I would call the others for back-up too. I lost the tail for now but I’m sure they know where I’m going.”

          “Lilith,” Dad growled, finally catching on to what kind of trouble I was in. “What’s going on?”

          “I’ll explain at the shop Dad,” I sighed as I turned off the freeway. “You’re not going to be happy, and this isn’t how I wanted to tell you everything, but my hand’s been forced.”

          I hung up before he could continue to question me and so that he could call the others. I didn’t know if Adam had called for the rest of his crew to scout out my garage, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to give him the chance to catch me off guard again. The closer I got to my shop, the more painful the sinking feeling in my stomach got. I was so caught up in practicing my script for telling Dad that I almost missed my open garage door. My tires squealed as I slid into the bay and let the bike fall to the ground as I ran into Dad waiting arms.

          “What’s going on sweetheart?” he whispered into my hair as Jack closed the door.

          “I’m so sorry Dad,” I shuddered as I squeezed him tightly before pulling away. “You’re going to be so mad and-”

          “Sweetie,” Dad interrupted. “Just tell me so we can get you out of whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself into. I’ll be mad later once you’re safe at home.”

          “I-” the words caught in my throat. “My house has been burned down Dad. I don’t have a home.”

          “What have you gotten yourself into Lil?” Jack asked sternly as Dad sputtered in shock.

          “I’ve been heisting and doing mercenary work for the last few years.”

          I said it quickly to rip the bandage off and the silence that followed was enough that I could hear the traffic a few streets away. Dad’s eyes got far away for a minute while he processed this information, but Jack didn’t look all that surprised so I continued on as I pulled out a toolbox that didn’t have tools in it.

          “I’m sorry Dad, but I got bored. This may not be an office job, but it’s still the same four walls for fifty hours a week. I could make an accurate calendar around what cars are in here and for what. So I started robbing places. Little things like pawn shops and jewelry stores in the middle of the night. Then I started chasing bigger targets and now I’m here.”

          “How come I’ve never heard of you?” Dad huffed, concern painting his face as I started to strap weapons to myself. “You’re in enough shit to lose your house, you’re packing enough heat to make Vagabond proud, and you’ve been getting bigger jobs. I feel like I would know of you.”

          “You do know of me Dad,” I sighed as my fingers wrapped around my armored leather jacket.

          I stood up and threw the jacket on before walking over to a tarp in the corner of the garage. I threw the fabric away and walked my bullet resistant heisting bike out into the open. I stood between it and Dad, who was wide-eyed and slack jawed as I zipped my jacket and pulled the mask out of the pocket. Jack was in a similar state of shock as I started to go over my bike, making sure it was ready for a fight.

          “You’re Sugar,” Dad said simply before the anger ignited in his tone. “ _Lilith Maria Ramsey, you’re Sugar?!”_

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Yeah, I’m Sugar.”

          “Look me dead in the eyes and tell me this is a joke,” Dad said with a shake of his head.

          “Baby,” Jack hummed cautiously. “I know this is hard to process, but Lil says she’s in trouble and we need to make sure she’s safe before we talk about-”

          _“You were fucking Vagabond?”_ Dad snapped.

          “Before we talk about _that,”_ Jack sighed as I squirmed under Dad’s angry glare.

          “You fucked _the one person_ I wanted as far away from you as possible,” he continued.

          “You told me he was okay as long as I wasn’t seeing any of the Cow Chop guys,” I corrected, trying to lighten the mood.

          “I was trying to cheer you up! I wasn’t being serious! _Jesus Christ, you were talking about him the whole time! You told me you thought he was your Jack!”_

“I meant it!” I shouted back, my heart chilling as I remembered how close I had gotten to Ryan. “I still mean it. I fully recognize what happened and I’m willing to work past it bu-”

          “He. Almost. Killed you!” Dad panicked as he reached out and grabbed my shoulders. “He almost choked you to death in front of me!”

          “You think I’m not aware of that?” I shouted back, tears in my eyes. “It wasn’t his fault!”

          “What the hell do you mean it’s not his faul-”

          “Shut up and listen to me!” I snapped as the tears fell. “I know there’s little proof otherwise but fucking believe me when I say he would never intentionally hurt me. The assholes that burned my house and are after me are the same douches from the warehouse! They’ve known about my identity from the beginning and wanted Vagabond to kill me in front of you to rip the Fakes apart from the inside. They’re trying to kidnap me now to out me and try it all again!”

          I took a deep, shaking breath as I clenched my eyes shut.

          “I know you’re pissed and you want to kill Rye for touching me but God Damnit Dad I want you to fucking hear me out! I kept this away from you because I was afraid of disappointing you! You wanted to keep me away from all this but I couldn’t stay away and I was afraid of disappointing you. Then Ryan got involved and I didn’t feel like I needed to hide. He let me be me and he loved me for it. I’m sorry you hate it, but this is my life and up until those fucks ruined it _I thought it was perfect!”_

That was my final straw and I screamed as tears fell down my cheeks.

          “They took Ryan from me, they’ve taken my home from me, they’re gonna take my shop, and they’re trying to take you. I’m sorry I can’t make you happy, but this is who I am and it’s all I have left.”

          I sobbed as Dad’s arms wrapped around me again and I clung to him and apologized repeatedly as I cried until my eyes were raw. I wanted to get lost in this but the sound of distant screeching tires brought me back into reality.

          “We need to go,” I huffed as I scrubbed at my eyes. “I’m assuming there’s still a spare apartment at the Complex that I can stay in?”

          “There is,” Jack nodded as she watched Dad intently. “We can talk about this tomorrow after we’ve all been able to sleep on it. Geoff, how do you want to do this?”

          The familiar purr of Ryan’s Zentorno sounded from the otherside of the garage door and I knew back up had arrived. I mounted my bike and watched Dad, waiting for his orders. He looked back at me and for a moment, a glimmer of pride flashing across his eyes before seriousness took over and he slammed the button for the door.

          “I’m assuming you have access to your coms?” he asked me and rolled his eyes when I nodded. “Channel two then. I’ll fill you in as we go.”

          I pulled my helmet on and flipped channels until I was surrounded by the voices of the Lads.

          “Listen Ryan,” Michael said, sounding like he was trying to reason with the man. “All I’m saying is that you jumped onto this a little faster than the usual call to action from Geoff. I thought you were over your little crush on Lilith?”

          The Lads giggled and I could hear Ryan growl and inhale as if to snap at them, but Dad cut him off.

          “We’re going to talk about how not funny that is later Lads,” Geoff sighed. “But first we need to get her to the Complex. She’s not safe on her own anymore. Keep a tight formation on her, we don’t know where her tail is but we do know that they’re not above killing her or any one of us.”

          “What’s going on Boss?” Ryan asked and I hissed as Dad visibly prickled.

          “Oh Ryan,” Jack sighed. “You’re going to regret that.”

          “Don’t you casually call me boss,” Dad snapped. “You don’t get to fuck my daughter for a year and act like nothing ever happened.”

          “Dad!” I barked as Ryan audibly choked.

          “What did I tell you two about continuing this when Lilith’s life isn’t in immediate danger?” Jack tried to intervene. “Geoff, put your Dad instincts on the backburner. Ryan, gigs up. We know Lilith is Sugar. Lil-”

          “Lilith is Sugar?!”

          I groaned as the chorus of Lads filled my helmet and Jack all but shoved Dad into his car.

          “Conversations for later!” She continued. “First we need to get everyone home! Go!”

          I didn’t need to be told twice and took off into the street. I was unsurprised when Ryan was the only one who didn’t need a moment to catch up to me and was to my right by the next street over. The Lads pulled up on my left in Michael’s Kuruma and kept a cautious distance where as I could kick the Zentorno’s mirror if I wanted to. Dad and Jack pulled up behind me in his Adder, and there was a tense silence as we all kept a lookout for any suspicious vehicles.

          “Lil, what’s going on?” Ryan asked again, this time the forced distance in his voice was gone and a little concern wavered through.

          “The Hell Bringer’s are trying to bring the Fakes down and move up in the world,” I explained, looking over at the driver side window and only saw my reflection. “They’ve known about me being Sugar the whole time. The warehouse incident was their doing. They wanted me to die to set you and/or Dad off, but Adam jumped the gun. He’s after me again and hoped that by kidnapping me and outing me that you and Dad would tear each other apart.”

          I held my tongue, wanting Ryan to respond but he was silent as well and I felt my shoulders slump as the hum of our engines filled the air. I opened my mouth to say something when the ground beneath us shook from a distant explosion. I looked over my shoulder, hand instinctively going to my gun but there was no need. I whimpered as a fireball lit up the early morning sky and I didn’t have to go back to know that was my shop.

          My hand trembled and even though I was literally surrounded by friends, I was terrified. Everything I had worked for was gone. My shop and my home were in flames. My father was upset with me, and the only other person I wanted to run to hadn’t talked to me in almost a year. I started to shake and felt the numbness return. I pushed the throttle forward and took off ahead of the group.

          “Lilith, stay back where we can keep an eye on-”

          “Let her go Geoff,” Ryan sighed as he stayed behind with the Fakes while I ran to my defacto home.


	9. Clearing the Air

          “You don’t look like you slept at all last night Lil…”

          I glanced up at Jack from where I was curled up in the recliner and to be honest, I hadn’t slept at all. I was up all night pacing around my almost empty apartment, my emotions bouncing from panicked that every shadow was a Hell Bringer to desperate to cross the hall and curl up against Ryan, to weak with sadness as I was left alone with my own thoughts.

          “Are you at least in a less angry and panicked mindset to talk about everything?” she continued, pointedly looking at Dad who was sitting diagonally from me on the couch but staring down at the floor.

          “I’m not angry,” I whispered hoarsely.

          “I can work with that,” Jack nodded. “And your father spent the better part of two hours ranting to himself so I think he’s got all his thoughts picked out.”

          “Now I just have to put them together in a way that makes sense out loud,” he muttered into his hand, eyes still fixed on a knot in the hardwood.

          “Then I’ll start with you Lil,” Jack sighed before turning to me, running a nervous hand through her curly red hair.

Her motions attracted Dad’s attention and he watched her cautiously as he sensed her worry. He slid his foot across the floor and bumped hers, a gesture of silent support that made a hint of jealousy try to ignite in my heart. But like everything else it was drowned out by the heavy weight of depression.

          Jack took one look at me watching them and knew what I was feeling. She stood up and sat on the arm of the recliner, pulling my head to her side and gently rubbing my back.

          “Why Ryan?”

          It was a simple question, but I didn’t have an immediate answer for her. I had never really thought about it, and the reason I was coming up with made my stomach churn a little because it didn’t seem right.

          “Because he was there,” I shrugged, ignoring the way Dad’s shoulders tensed and continuing down that train of thought. “Because he wasn’t some guy trying to bang me to say that he fucked Geoff Ramsey’s daughter. Because he wasn’t _trying_ to sleep with me when we first started working together, it just kinda _happened._ We had been flirting hard and one night after a job we gave in. It was only meant to be the one time, but we couldn’t stay away.”

          “What was that you said about him letting you be you?”

          “I don’t know,” I continued. “I always felt like I had to be a good girl for Dad, and to be a stoic bitch in the shop to ward off assholes, but I didn’t feel like that with Ryan. Probably because of how he found out about my ‘hobby’, but I don’t know why.”

          “How did he find out about your ‘hobby’?” Dad said smoothly, though I could see the anger simmering behind his eyes.

          “He caught me red handed,” I blushed. “I robbed a strip mall that he happened to stake out after I had left. He heard the security guard describe what he had seen and how I had disabled the cameras, but he didn’t make the connection even though he caught up to me a few blocks away when he, Michael, and Gavin were on their way to meet you at the Last Run. When I got off my bike, the handle bar caught the zipper of my bag and he caught a glimpse of the money.”

          “So he didn’t pull you into all this? You were already knee deep?” Dad asked and visibly relaxed when I nodded my head. “Well, at least there’s that. I thought the bastard had roped you into something to force you to work closely with him.”

          “He said he made the offer, knowing I would say yes because I was looking for a thrill, so that he could keep me safe and teach me the ropes,” I smiled. “He constantly told me that I was sloppy and that without him I would have had been caught within a few weeks. I think I was doing better than that, but I do agree with him to an extent. Without him, I definitely wouldn’t have mad it far without being caught.”

          “What did you do with him?” Jack asked before winking. “Work wise I mean.”

          “I was his getaway driver,” I groaned as Dad and I rolled our eyes. “He did his best to keep me out of the line of fire, but that wasn’t always possible.”

          Dad’s eyebrows shot up as my hand drifted to my cheek, where a faint scar sat as a reminder of my first real fire fight.

          “You told me you cut yourself on sheet metal.”

          “Because even now, if you knew how I actually got it you would run across the hall and throttle Ryan,” I muttered.

          “What’s it from Lilith?” Jack said firmly as my response only irritated Dad more.

          “Technically it’s from my helmet,” I began, sighing before continuing quietly as they glared at me. “That was shattered when a cop had a moment of competency and shot me.”

          “That’s a fucking bullet wound!?”

          Dad shot up off the couch and when Jack stood to keep him seated, I nearly fell out of the recliner as it rocked forward.

          “The bullet never touched me,” I started to explain as I sat up and rubbed my face.

          “But a fucking _bullet_ came close enough to your _head_ that it _shattered your God damned helmet!”_

“It happened over a year ago Dad,” I sighed as Jack physically restrained him. “It was a freak accident and it was before Ryan and I started sleeping together.”

          “How does that make it better?” he shouted

          “I don’t fucking know Dad!” I snapped. “I don’t know what to fucking tell you other than ‘I’m a huge fucking disappointment to you and everything I did was a huge mistake even though I don’t regret a single moment’.”

          Tears threatened to fall as I shrank back into the plush chair, willing myself to disappear as I held onto myself tightly. I was starting to shake and I could feel the panic returning.

          “I’m sorry I can’t be your perfect little girl who stays as far away from danger as possible at home with a nobody husband who works nine-to-five at an office building. I’m sorry I’m not what you want, I’m sorry I disappoint you, but it was the most alive I’ve felt in years.”

          My shuddering attempts at restraining my tears were all that filled the blank and cold apartment as I tried to curl into a ball. The moment I couldn’t hold it anymore, the moment I felt the cry of pain welling in my throat, the chair rocked and creaked loudly as a familiar comforting weight enveloped me and clung to me as I broke down. Unlike last night in my garage, I had all the time in the world to curl up against Dad’s chest and cry my heart out. He pet my hair and kissed my forehead as I sobbed into his shirt and cried until my lungs burned. Once I had calmed myself down a bit, I pulled myself away and look up at him.

          His eyes were the shade of deep ocean and were vastly different from the shade of glacial runoff of Ryan’s. They were just as expressive though and I found myself being pulled back to the night he had returned to the bar for me. They were blood shot and watery, but the deep blue was comforting as we fell into his apartment, Jack shouting that she couldn’t believe that he actually went back for me. They never looked at me with anything but happiness and affection, and now was no different.

          “I’m sorry,” he began, kissing my forehead again and smiling as I crinkled my nose because his beard tickled. “I’m sorry I ever did anything to make you believe that you could disappoint me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s possible, but you’re going to have to do some really bad shit to get there. And, as much as it pains me to say it, falling in love with Ryan and becoming Sugar doesn’t even come close. I’m upset that you’re in danger, but after spending the last twenty hours worrying about it, I can see that you’re good at what you do and honestly I’m proud of that.”

          “So yeah, I might snap like I just did as more details come out, but I’m just worried,” he murmured as he pulled me into a tight hug. “I don’t like seeing my baby girl get hurt and this is going to take some getting used to, but I’ll do it because it makes you happy. And at this point it’s all you’ve got.”

          “As for Ryan,” he paused and sighed heavily. “That’s going to bother me for a while, but only because of what happened at the warehouse. I was already pissed at him for not being able to recognize his own girlfriend but knowing that it was you only makes it worse.”

          “It wasn’t his fault,” I whispered. “He didn’t mean to.”

          “I know baby,” Dad said. “And I know you still love him, and I’m willing to deal with you two being together, but only once he’s ready. Because he’s been punishing himself ever since and quite frankly I don’t think he can even think of you and not be forced to relive that.”

          “He knows I’m here when he’s ready,” I murmured.

          “I know he does,” Dad chuckled. “He thinks he’s being sly, but I see him reading through your old conversations when he’s feeling particularly low. You know you’re ‘Sugar Baby’ in his phone right?”

          “Yeah,” I giggled. “I added the ‘Baby’ to make it less obvious who it was.”

          “Are you fucking serious?” Dad laughed as Jack snickered.

          “No,” I huffed as I pulled out my phone. “It’s better than his contact name in my phone. At least you all can look at that contact name and not know it’s me. I couldn’t very well have ‘Ryan’ or ‘Vagabond’ in mine.”

          I pulled up his contact information and held it up for Dad. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily as he read “Asshole” bookended by hearts.

          “The hearts were his addition,” I smiled. “He said that it was still too obvious without them.”

          “Accurate,” Jack grinned as she looked at it.

          “I knew he wasn’t going to be able to resist you,” Dad smiled with a shake of his head. “I know you two dumbasses too well and the moment I caught him staring at your ass I knew that he would make moves the moment he thought it was worth it.”

          “And I told you that threatening him would only delay that decision,” Jack teased as Dad helped me sit up.

          “In his defense, he did _try_ to keep it professional,” I smiled. “He flirted a lot, but the moment I reciprocated it he would backpedal. The first night we slept together was the first time he didn’t back off and even after that he tried to keep his distance.”

          “It’s a slippery slope,” Dad smirked, eyeing Jack coyly. “First you’re just robbing banks together and the next thing you know you’re living together and making promises of a future.”

          “Don’t you look at me like that Geoffrey,” Jack snapped. “ _You’re_ the one that brought up getting serious and moving in together after sex.”

          “That’s better than me,” I muttered as Dad raised his eye brow. “I didn’t wait until after.”

          “You fucking asked Ryan if he wanted to get serious _during_ sex?” Jack cackled as Dad winced and turned a light shade of green.

          “Not exactly,” I flushed. “I wanted to get the question out before he… _distracted me_.”

          “Can we stop?”

          “Yes, we can stop Dear,” Jack giggled as she kissed the top of his head. “Now that we’ve cleared the air with Lil, I think we should pay a visit to the other person involved in all this.”

          “Is Rye even home?” Dad asked as he untangled himself from me and stretched. “I thought he was going to make it a point to be as ‘busy’ as possible for the next few days?”

          “Judging by the shadow that turned the door knob when Lilith started crying, he’s home.”

          My head snapped to the door and I winced at my own eagerness.

          “Look at me baby girl,” Dad murmured as he pulled my chin up with his index finger. “I know you love him, but he needs his space. He’s like a feral cat, you just gotta wait for him to come to you.”

          “I know,” I frowned.

          The apartment felt a little less cold, even after they left, and sleep was finally pulling at my limbs. I shuffled off to the bedroom and slid under the covers, my eyes drifting shut instantly, and a dreamless sleep took me. The next time I woke up, I checked my phone to see what time it was. I was surprised to see that I had been asleep for nearly ten hours, but even more shocked to see a text message from Ryan.

A few stray tears fell down my cheeks and a tension I didn’t know I was holding onto drifted away. My body was still tired, but this time I could almost hear Ryan’s voice reading his text as I drifted back to sleep.

          _I’m trying Sug. I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as of right now, I'm actually done with this one. I have another chapter or two of closing content, but I just finished the major climax and am working out a few kinks. I know My King has fallen to the wayside, and trust me I don't like it either, but I've been super busy with school and haven't have the drive for it. I hope to finish it up by the New Year though. So fingers crossed for that.


	10. Trying Times

          And try he did. For the first few days, he felt like a spirit, a presence that I was aware of but always managed to never be seen directly. He wasn’t quiet about his comings and goings, his familiarly heavy footsteps actually did more to calm me down than add to my paranoia, but I knew when he would catch sight of me because all the sounds would stop and I could feel his eyes on me. One time he did it and I was able to watch him through a mirror.

          He was coming back from a hit and was already throwing his jacket over a dining chair by the time I looked up from where I was curled up in the commons as he made a beeline for the refrigerator. I smiled as I watched him hop on each foot as he pulled his boots off and tossed them under the chair before running a hand through his hair and cracked open a Diet Coke with the other. It made sense now, how naturally the process came to him at my house once he found a chair in my kitchen that he deemed “His.”

          He scanned the room for people and when he saw me laying across the couch with the Switch he stopped mid-sip of his soda and for a second I was afraid he would bolt. He watched me carefully for a moment, his eyes following what parts of me he could see and a softness I had been aching for brightened his face. His shoulders sagged a little and a sweet smile spread across his lips, and for a brief moment he looked like an awkward high schooler at homecoming. Like he wanted to come over and talk to me but wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. Just as he took a deep breath and moved to cross the room to me, it happened.

          Dad had described it to me so that I would know what was going on but watching him remember was something that I would never mistake for anything else. The smile fell from his lips as the color drained from his face and his pupils blew out with terror. His free hand clenched into a fist and was quickly and stiffly drawn to his side and the soda can in his hand groaned as the other tried to do the same. The happy calm evaporated from his body and the haunted look was replaced by disgust and pain, his face turning green as the corners of his eyes wet with tears. His body tensed up like a spring and I could hear his breathing turn ragged.

          He blinked a few times to clear the tears and fog of fear, and when he could focus again, he looked me in the eyes through the mirror. I gave him a weak smile and laughed quietly at myself as the tears fell down my cheeks.

          “I’m trying,” he breathed.

          “I know you are,” I murmured back as I turned to look at him directly, and that alone seemed to get to him enough for his shoulders to relax a little before he turned to gather his things and leave.

          A few weeks passed and while Ryan was making some progress, there was very little information on Adam and the Hell Bringers and the stagnation was starting to get to me. I needed to do something to make them pay, but the bastards went into hiding the moment they realized I ran and hid behind Dad. They covered their tracks and disappeared from every radar we could get a hold of.

          “Psst,” someone hissed as the door to my apartment cracked open.

          When I glanced up from the book I was reading, I saw Jeremy hunched over in the partially open doorway and two shadows moved around behind him.

          “Yes?” I smirked as the familiar rattle of a loaded cooler piqued my interest.

          “We’re gonna go out to the beach and have some bevs,” Jeremy smiled back, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Gav mentioned that you’ve been pacing around like a caged animal. Wanna join us? You don’t have to drink, but I figured you’d like the fresh air.”

          The three men cackled as I launched myself from the couch and sprinted to my bedroom. I threw on some clothes and stuffed some extras into a bag before joining the Lads in the hallway.

          “The water’s gonna be bloody cold Lil,” Gavin warned as he eyed my bag.

          “Something tells me that, after enough drinks, I won’t really care.”

          There was a collective “Ayyyy” as I was clapped on the back and led to the garage to be stuffed into a car and driven off into the night.

          “So,” I smiled as I leaned forward into the passenger seat. “Where’s Dad, Jack, and Ryan?”

          “They’re doing some undercover shit tonight,” Jeremy said with a dismissive wave. “Your dad’s not gonna swoop in and put a damper on our fun.”

          “If anything, he encouraged it,” Michael added, eyeing me conspiratorially through the rearview mirror. “He told us to keep you company and try to vent a little of your frustration.”

          “So, we’re going to go get wasted at the beach!” Gavin giggled.

          “Sounds like fun,” I smiled as I sank back into my seat beside Gavin.

          This was the first time in a long time that they were “themselves” around me and it lifted my spirits. After the warehouse, I shut myself down and they stopped goofing off around the shop while I finished their cars and since I moved in they slowly but surely were getting back to that level of comfort.

          “So,” Jeremy muttered as he twisted around in his seat and Gavin argued with Michael about directions. “How are things going with Ryan?”

“He’s getting better,” I shrugged, feeling my heart twinge slightly. “He’s gotten to the point where we can talk and sit in the same room, but he has yet to come within five feet of me.”

          “That’s good though,” the man smiled encouragingly. “And from the other side of things, I can tell he’s doing better.”

          “Oh?” I asked curiously. I knew Jeremy was Ryan’s best friend and probably the only person who knew him as well as I did. I wanted to hear how he was doing when he wasn’t fixated on me being in the room because sometimes it was hard to think positively when he ran away from me with that look in his eyes.

          “Yeah,” Jeremy shrugged. “He’s actually started talking about you recently. And without turning green might I add. He likes having you this close to him again. Says it makes it feel a little more homey.”

          I blushed and smiled as I looked down at my feet. The first week at the Complex had been rough for me, the elevator made my heart race and I always longed for Ryan to walk in and curl up with me on the couch, but having him close by was comforting. Just knowing that he wanted to be near me again was enough to soothe the ache.

          “You know he had a crush on you for a long time, right?” Jeremy grinned, seeing his opportunity to embarrass his friend.

          “Oh!” Gavin chimed in as we pulled up to the beach. “He had his eye on you for _ages._ Thought Geoff was going to have an aneurism when he let it slip.”

          “When he caught Ryan staring at my ass?” I giggled. “So I’ve heard.”

          “No, before that,” Michael grunted as he hauled the cooler out of the trunk and lugged it to where there was a pit dug into the sand. “Let’s set up the fire and get drinks flowing before I tell _that_ story.”

          Gavin and I wandered around in the cluster of small trees and shrubs looking for enough wood to keep a fire going for a few hours while Michael and Jeremy scouted out the area. According to Gavin, the Fakes frequented this beach all the time because it was remote and far from the main road. They always checked to make sure no one was nearby, but apparently Ryan could hang out here without his mask and not worry about being caught.

          Once the fire was going and bottles were opened, Michael launched into his story.

          “We come here all the time,” he began. “When we have shitty heists that go horribly wrong we come to decompress, when it goes off without a hitch we come here to celebrate. A couple days before Geoff caught Ryan staring at you, we had a God-awful night. Nothing went right; we didn’t get any money, everyone was shot at least once. An absolute disaster. So, we came out here to drown our pain.”

          “This was just before your dad quit drinkin’,” Gavin added when my eyebrows shot up.

          “Yeah, I think that night was the last night he got truly plastered,” Jeremy confirmed before taking a sip of his beer.

          “Probably yeah,” Michael nodded. “But anyway, Ryan was hit the worst. His jacket was no good that night and he took a bullet to the shoulder and two more grazed his side. Poor guy was in a ton of pain, but he was so hopped up on painkillers that Jack didn’t want to leave him alone for too long so we dragged him out here with us.”

          “I honestly thought he fell asleep,” Jeremy chuckled. “Jack had a close call so of course your dad was all over her, and the conversation just kind of wandered to what we were gonna tell our girlfriends and he was the odd one out in that respect, so I figured he had mentally checked out.”

          “That was when Ryan started to smile,” Michael whispered dramatically and Gavin snickered. “Started with a really weak smirk, but then it just kinda grew into this wide grin. Jeremy brought it up-”

          “I just wanted to know what was going through drug-addled Ryan’s brain!”

          “And the moment he blushed,” Michael squinted his eyes and slowly stirred the air with his finger. “Blood was in the water and the sharks were circling the poor bastard. I don’t think I’ve seen Jack and Jeremy work so hard on something as they did to coax answers out of him. For a guy on like, three Vicodin, he was surprisingly good at avoiding an incriminating answer.”

          “We got him to admit he had a crush on someone and that he liked the way ‘She’ looked straddling _his_ motorcycle,” Jeremy added.

          “That was when lightbulbs started to go off,” Michael chuckled. “Who the fuck would Ryan see often enough that he knows _for certain_ that he really likes the way she looked on his bike? I think Jeremy got it first.”

          “I was,” Jeremy said seriously before almost breaking into hysterical giggles. “I knew it was you because I saw him _desperately_ trying not to look at you while we were in the shop a few weeks prior, and you were the only person he had regular contact with outside of the crew that he didn’t vocally hate.”

          “How long did it take Dad to make the connection?” I chuckled into my beer.

          I knew something good was about to happen when all three men shared a glance and started to turn red from trying to control their laughter.

          “We couldn’t get him to say much more, so we let it be,” Jeremy continued as Michael fell onto his side and Gavin covered his face. “ _Until…_ Until it became _very_ obvious that he was thinking about ‘her’. That stupid, lovesick smile was still there and he was biting his lip. And just as I was about to ask what he was thinking of, he fucking signed his own death warrant.”

          “He looked Geoff straight in the eyes, asked if he could go pick up the car with Geoff, and when Geoff said sure…”

          Their giggles were infectious and I grinning from ear to ear as one of them tried to stop long enough to finish the story.

          “Ryan looks away, nods approvingly and says,” Michael gasped for air. “‘Good. That means I can go see her.’ He closes his god damned eyes as the dots start connecting in Geoff’s mind and says ‘Maybe I should bring my bike in and tell her something’s wrong with it. I could really go for that view right now.’”

          I choked on my beer and tears streamed down my cheeks as alcohol sprayed out of my nose. I could practically see the lust drunk look on his face that he always got when I was on top, and I could imagine all the veins Dad must have burst as he watched Ryan’s inebriated daydream.

          “It took Jack and I to hold your father down after he realized that Ryan was basically having a medication-induced fever dream of you,” Jeremy cried. “He was willing to chalk it up to the drugs all the way until Ryan went with him and was caught doing exactly what he said he would: Watching you bend over and work on his car.”

          “I am in no way surprised,” I grinned as I wiped my face. “Ryan was never shy about finding the mechanic thing sexy. He was just the only one who didn’t go overboard.”

          “It honestly never bothered you?” Jeremy sighed, finally catching his breath and going back to his bottle.

          “Nope,” I said, popping the ‘p’ for emphasis. “I’ve had sex with guys who were only in it for the fetish, and Ryan is not one of those men.”

          “He’s gonna bloody tear you apart once he can stand to be around you,” Gavin said with a shake of his head. “Self-control is not his strong suit.”

          “That’s fine by me,” I smirked, not sure if the flush was from the idea of Ryan ‘breaking loose’ or from the beer.

          The night continued on and eventually we ran out of booze and Michael, the only sober one, had to haul the rest of us back to the Complex. I was wasted. I could hardly stand up or see straight, but I felt great. I was laughing at Gavin and Jeremy’s dumb jokes and I felt like I was on top of the world. It wasn’t until I stumbled into the commons, nearly tripping over my own two feet, that I started to feel my inebriation.

          “There you fuckers are!” Dad shouted, making me jump and Michael had to hold my shoulders to keep me standing. “Where the hell have you been? Why are you drunk as skunks and smell like salt?”

          “Lilith shoved me into the ocean,” Gavin whined as he ran his hands along his damp t-shirt.

          “He deserved it,” I giggled. “He called me a copycat.”

          “You blatantly ripped off Ryan’s schtick!” Gavin snapped indignantly.

          “There aren’t a whole lot of full-face masks available!” I shouted as I threw my hands up. “And I sure as hell wasn’t gonna get the fuckin’ chicken mask.”

          “You just wanted him to like you,” Gavin retorted, sticking his tongue out.

          “Did not,” I groaned with an eye roll so intense my head rolled with it. “I did it because the mask fit my alias.”

          “I take it you had a good time at the beach?” Jack giggled as she leaned against the kitchen island.

          “Yeah!” Jeremy piped up as he threw an arm around my shoulders. “Geoff told us to loosen her up and get her out, so we went out and loosened her up! I don’t think she’s smiled this much the entire time I’ve known her.”

          “Lil,” Dad huffed and my head snapped to where he was.

          He looked like he was going to lecture me for something, but the moment I flashed him a wide smile I watched all of his resolve melt away and he begrudgingly beamed back at me. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

          “Awe,” I cooed. “It’s like high school all over again. You were gonna wait for me to get home before going to bed, weren’t you?”

          “You know me too well,” he sighed. “I wasn’t gonna be able to sleep until I knew you were home safe.”

          “You can go to bed now then,” I giggled and movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention.

          “Ryan!” I shouted, making the man stop hard enough that his boots squeaked.

          Before the rational, sober part of my brain could say otherwise, I threw myself at him and all I saw before wrapping my arms around him was the startled but happy smile. I giggled as his low chuckle resonated through my body and his arms came around me awkwardly like he couldn’t remember how I fit in them. He was stiff as I continued to giggle and cuddle up to him like I wanted to, like nothing had ever changed.

          “Fuck Sug,” he laughed, his body relaxing with each shake. “You smell like a country bar after race night.”

          “Blame the Lads,” I muttered into his chest. “They’re the one who chose the beverage list.”

          “I can tell,” he continued to laugh before burying his face into my hair. “And now I can smell the ocean.”

          “If you listen hard enough, maybe you can hear it too.”

_“Booo.”_

          I stuck my tongue out at him as I forced myself to hold him at a distance, suddenly remembering _why_ this was the first time he’s held me in a little over a year. His eyes were sparkling and the half smile he was wearing wouldn’t go away, even as the room cooed and teased my drunken PDA.

          And just as I was starting to feel like I was going to explode with hope, his eyes glazed over and I felt like I had been dropped off the top of a building. His arms stiffened around me before he started to pull away. I felt like he was tearing my skin from me as he stepped away and a part of me knew that I needed to let him go, that I had rushed him and this was what I should have expected, but that part was under sober Lilith’s control. Drunk Lilith felt every ounce of pain that showed through Ryan’s eyes and desperately wanted to make it better. So, I did the only thing I knew how. The one thing that always grounded him when he would get upset.

          I caught his wrists as he tried to retract them to his sides and while he tugged me a little bit as I held onto him, he didn’t rip his hands from my grip. His knuckles were white as he balled his fists like he usually would. The world blurred for a moment but I blinked away the tears in time to see him shake as I raised his clenched fingers to my cheeks.

          When he was upset, he liked to hold me like that and stare into my eyes. His fingers would shake as he came down from whatever emotional high he was experiencing, but he would hold my gaze without faltering until he was back on solid ground.

          His whole body shook as he locked eyes with me and I clung to his wrists. I saw him swallow hard and every breath rattled his bones. Unlike every time before, the panic only seemed to grow with every breath and I could feel him tensing to pull away.

          “Ryan please,” I whimpered as I blinked away more tears and nuzzled against one of his hands. “I miss you. Please don’t run.”

          “I’m trying Sug.”

          It was just as breathless as the other times he had done this, and I could hear the fight in his tone. I could hear how difficult it was for him to not focus on the memory. I remembered how afraid I was that I would never see Ryan again, and right now I could see that fear in his eyes. That he was going to fuck up and he would never see me again.

          “I know,” I murmured as he easily pulled away from my now weak hands.

          My eyes fell to the floor and Ryan’s steps were unsure and clumsy as he bolted into the hallway that led to the elevator. The warmth of the evening’s company and alcohol disappeared and I was left just as cold as I was before I left with the Lads. Except for a burning sensation that was slowly building in the pit of my stomach.

          “Please tell me you have something on Adam.”

          My voice sounded foreign to me: numb and cold like a solid slab of obsidian. The tears still fell, but I couldn’t feel any emotion other than the distant rage that was simmering within me.

          “We did actually find something tonight,” Dad whispered as he crossed the room to hold me. “But we need to wait until tomorrow for our researchers to confirm or deny any of it.”

          “Good,” I nodded and the fire flickered a little. “Come find me tomorrow when I’m not hungover.”


	11. Winning and Losing

          “You really think she’s going to listen to you Geoff?”

          I sighed heavily from my hiding place several blocks away. I hated how well Ryan knew me. After our trip to the beach, he became scarce again, as if the brief moments of love and hope that we shared had toppled over all the progress he had made. I was forced to listen to him enter a room only to spin on his heels and leave again, leaving me deflated and heartbroken every time. I was starting to reach the end of my rope and the simmering anger I felt that night had grown into a monster that I could barely control.

          It was an oddly familiar feeling, but the sensation that caused me to lash out as a teenager grew into something darker over the few weeks between the beach night and this arranged meeting. It had become a monster that was hungry for pain. The monster that made me grin at the idea of killing Adam for what he had done to me. The monster that made me punch a hole in my bathroom wall when Dad told me I wasn’t going to this meeting. The monster that drove me to follow them anyway.

          I hadn’t lost total control though, and I was curled up between air conditioning units on an old office building about three streets away from the industrial park where the Hell Bringers agreed to meet the Fakes. Ryan was right, I didn’t stay home like Dad had told me to, but I was still under enough control to keep a distance and stay hidden while I listened through the comms with my mic turned off.

          “No,” Dad sighed sadly. “That’s why I only have you and Jack on the ground with me. The Lads are trolling for signs of trouble, which includes Lilith.”

          The Lads were on a different channel discussing hypotheticals, and I knew that Jeremy was only a few buildings away from me but if he had seen me, he was keeping his mouth shut. I closed my eyes as silence fell over the Gents.

          “How is she doing?” Ryan asked very quietly but the pain was still tangible.

          “Not good,” Dad replied, sounding just as sad. “She’s hurting a lot Vagabond. That’s why she’s getting bad again.”

          “Again?” Ryan wondered.

          “When I first pulled her out of the Barbarians, she had a darkness in her that honestly scared me,” Dad started and I could hear Jack hum in agreement. “I hate to say it, but it reminds me of you. The lack of control and penchant for violence, I saw the same thing in you but you had already given into it. That was when I started pushing for her to stay away from this life. She hasn’t gotten this numb since she got her first garage job.”

          I stared up at the sky, stunned as I mulled over Dad’s words. I honestly had never thought of my anger that way but now that Dad pointed it out, I couldn’t see it any other way. He was right. The reason this monster was familiar wasn’t only because I had grown used to it when I was with the Barbarians. It was because I saw a lot of those habits in Ryan.

          “I’m sorry,” Ryan whispered. “If I had just listened to you, she wouldn’t be like this.”

          There was a long silence and I could feel the tension through the headset. It hurt my heart to hear Ryan say he regretted being with me, but at the same time, I wanted to hold him close because I knew he only felt that way because he wanted me to be safe and happy.

          “As much as I _want_ to agree with you, I _have_ to disagree,” Dad laughed sadly. “She was so happy while she was with you and there isn’t a single thing on this planet that would make me want to change that. It had been a long time since I had seen her that happy. I thought I was going to have to start looking for suits to wear for a wedding.”

          The awkwardly happy snort that pulled from Ryan made me grin as it devolved into a bashful giggle.

          “Here’s how I see things,” Dad continued and I could hear the smile in his voice. “I know you love her and want what’s best for her as much as I do, and I know you have your own demons, but you’re hurting her more now than anything you did at the warehouse. I know the memories are still vivid for you, but they’re only memories. Staying away is killing her because she needs you now more than ever. There’s only so much I can do for her because I’m not the safe place she wants. You are.”

          “That’s very sweet Geoff,” Jack murmured. “And for what it’s worth Vagabond, I think you’re good for each other. You two may be some crazy motherfuckers, but you were a better kind of crazy when together.”

          “Now you’re just trying to embarrass me,” Ryan chuckled, sounding more like himself than I had heard in ages.

          “Don’t act like you don’t like the attention,” Jack teased.

          “Adam’s coming in,” Jeremy’s voice broke in and my quick trip to cloud nine was cut short. “And can confirm: Vagabond is an attention whore.”

          “No one asked you,” Ryan spat back. “How did you even know we were talking about me??”

          “Sixth sense,” Jeremy deadpanned. “I felt a tingle in my tummy and knew an opportunity to roast you was coming.”

          “Why are we friends?”

          “Because you love me.”

          “We can continue this roast later, but first we need to take care of this situation,” Dad huffed quietly. “Remember, we’re here to try to make peace with these fuckers. Which means not killing them unless they attack first. Capeesh?”

          There was a chorus of confirmations and a moment of silence. During that silence I pulled out my sniper rifle and trained my scope on the meeting as Adam and his crew walked into the open lot.

          I settled down across the rooftop and focused in on Adam. I was several blocks away, but the industrial park was wide open and I could see the entire meeting from my vantage point. I could see the asshole’s dark curls bounce as he talked with a cocky confidence that made my skin crawl.

          “I’m glad we could come to a temporary truce,” Adam grinned. “I’m getting a little tired of watching my back.”

          “You’re really confident for the man in the wrong,” Dad said coolly.

          “Why am I the one in the wrong?” Adam asked with mock innocence.

          “I don’t remember burning your daughter’s home and livelihood.”

          “I’d like to see you try,” Adam laughed. “I don’t have a daughter, much less a son-in-law who could kill her at any moment.”

          Ryan stood firm and looked unfazed, but his mask covered the sharp inhale and I watched his fingers twitch. My own trigger finger twitched and the fire in my belly flared, and I took a deep breath to soothe it.

          “I want you to leave my family and my crew alone Adam,” Dad growled. “The gig is up. We know you’re trying to knock us down and take our place. And I’ll give you credit, your stunt at the warehouse might have worked but it didn’t and now you’ve made me significantly angrier than if it had worked.”

          “You mean you’re going to forgive Vagabond for almost killing your daughter with his bare hands?”

          The silence that fell made me sick as everyone waited for someone else to speak first. Adam was probably hoping that Ryan would lash out, but I could see that Rye was keeping silent to prevent from doing just that. He swallowed hard and I could see the fire flickering in his eyes.

          “Yeah,” Dad shrugged. “I was pretty pissed when I found out all the details but seeing the aftermath has soothed that anger. So yes, I forgive him.”

          “Why?”

          “Because she has,” Dad continued. “And if she can come out of that fighting for him the way she is, then Vagabond must not be as big of an asshole as I thought.”

          “Awe shucks Geoff,” Ryan cooed, the smile he was wearing making his eyes crinkle and hid the anger he was still feeling.

          “Don’t get used to it,” Dad snapped back, but the giggles that echoed mine told me that everyone saw that he was teasing back. “As for you Adam. We’re not going to fall for your tricks and I certainly won’t stand for you walking around like you’ve got the biggest cock known to man because you almost pulled off a decent trick. I’ll say it one more time. Leave my _family_ and my _crew_ alone.”

          I knew Dad was a force to be reckoned with but seeing it first hand like this sent a chill down my spine. His stood tall in his tailored suit, flanked by the most terrifying man and woman in Los Santos. I was so used to Jack being laid back and smiling that it felt like I was looking at a different person. Her back was straight, chin held high and dignified, and looked like she could kill you just as quickly as Vagabond with just as much feeling. This was the Dad and Jack he had tried to keep me from seeing, and honestly seeing him like this made me respect him even more. To be able to go to the Complex at the end of the day and sit back with a smile after dealing with this kind of shit took an incredibly strong person. Now I understood why they all were goofballs at my shop. They were blowing off steam.

          I took a deep breath and focused back on Adam, but before I could hear what he was saying a heavy weight fell down on top of me. A large hand was under my mask before I could make a sound. I tried to struggle but another set of hands had mine pinned behind me and zip-tied together. A strip of duct tape was slapped across my face and the last thing I remember was a fist heading straight for my nose.

         

 

          I opened my eyes and blinked a few times in the harsh light that was making my headache even worse. I tried to lift my hands to block the light, but they were tied down to the arms of a chair. I licked my dry lips and came back with the sharp tang of blood that must have come from the pulsing sensation I was feeling at the center of my face. Once I could see, I squinted and tried to look past the lights but everything outside the circle was pitch black.

          “Look at that pretty little face all broken and bleeding,” a voice cooed. “Your Daddy would have a fit if he knew where you were and what I’m about to do.”

          “He’s going to come looking for me the moment he realizes I’m gone,” I growled. “And when I get out of this chair, I’m going to fucking kill you.”

          “Big talk for a bitch strapped to a chair,” the man laughed from beyond my circle of light. “But I’ll be sure to tell your dad _all_ about your faith in him when I send him Adam’s message. But first I need something from you.”

          A large man in a clown mask materialized from the darkness with an evil glint in his almost black eyes. My gaze fell to the bolt cutters he was holding in his hand and I instinctively tried to run away but I was fixed to the chair. I tried to kick at him but he simply stood off to my left side as he lined the bolt cutters with the last knuckle of my ring finger.

          I took in a sharp, shuddering breath and squeezed my eyelids shut as I prepared for the pain. My scream drowned out the sound but I could _feel_ the crunch of bone that made my stomach churn and my vision blurred with tears. I felt like my body was on fire as pain ran from my fingers to my toes and my scream did little to dull it. I screamed until my throat was raw and my limbs became numb with shock. I could feel myself starting to sweat and my breathing echoed in my head as it lulled backward and my arms and legs writhed slowly. There was a pressure on my left hand and my nose curled as I caught a whiff of burning flesh. I groaned and rolled my head around to see the man cauterizing the nub he had left behind. I couldn’t feel it though and all I could do was watch through heavy eyelids.

          “And a little something for Vagabond too,” he hissed in my ear and a flicker of fear registered in the back of my mind as the grinning clown mask came into view again.

          But instead of taking another finger, my head was yanked to the side as he ripped my necklace off. The sapphire sparkled in the bright lights and I felt my tears stream down my cheeks as I fought to keep myself from calling out for Ryan.

          I faded in and out of consciousness for a long time. It could have been hours, maybe even weeks, but the pain in my hand was constant. It felt like I had sliced my finger with a burning knife and every time I opened my eyes I was met with a front row view of my torture.

I could see a monitor that was showing me, slumped in my chair and ghostly pale as shock continued to make me pass out. My nose was swollen and dried strips of blood were all that remained of the fist it had taken. My mouth hung open as I panted and fought off what I think was some kind of drug, but I was never awake long enough to think about it too much.

          It wasn’t until a familiar voice caught me between moments of consciousness that I was able to be awake for more than a few minutes.

          “Hello _Sug,”_ Adam jeered as I opened my eyes slowly and was enveloped in a cold sweat. “How have you been enjoying that cocktail I cooked up for you? I needed something to keep you controllable, but I figured your history with the Barbarians would have made you build up a tolerance. I guess I was wrong, ‘cuz you’ve basically been a zombie for the last two days.”

          He laughed darkly as I gave him a weak scowl. He turned his back to me and faced the monitor, typing away and barely registering the larger man as he entered the room near silently. My head lulled to the side and my eyes drifted shut as an odd ringing sound filled my ears but just as I was about to drift under the ringing stopped.

          “Lilith…”

          “Dad?” I called out, my voice weak and small.

          “Jesus Christ sweetheart,” Dad breathed.

          “Dad,” I called out again, too loopy to care about how desperate I sounded.

          My eyes drifted open again and Adam was sitting in a desk chair, smiling proudly at my pitiful situation. I looked past him and at the screen that let me take a peek at home.

          The Fakes were sitting around the conference room, each intently watching the screen with varying degrees of sadness. Everyone except for Ryan, who’s chair sat empty and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I wanted to see him so badly that his absence briefly hurt more than my hand.

          “Where’s Big, Bad, and Scary?” Adam teased, also noticing the missing party.

          “No idea,” Dad huffed, sounding very tired. “He disappeared after we got your… _package.”_

“If you don’t start cooperating, you’ll be getting even more of those,” Adam spun to look at me. “She’s still got the rest of her fingers.”

          “I told you already,” Dad sighed as he rubbed his temples. “I’m going to need more time to get all the paperwork together. I can’t just shit out all the deeds to my properties and a couple million bucks. That’s not how being at the top works.”

          “I think you’re just stalling,” Adam huffed, before snapping his fingers and facing the camera. “So, until you can provide me with some proof, Lilith gets a few more doses of her special cocktail before losing a few more fingers.”

          I inhaled sharply as the larger man stalked over to me. I started to whimper and recoil as he approached but all my fear and panic disappeared the moment he gently touched my shoulder. I looked up at the man and immediately knew this wasn’t the same person who took my finger and haunted my brief moments of clarity. He wasn’t nearly as hulking and he was wearing a black ski mask. From behind that mask, beautiful blue eyes looked back at me.

          I started to pull at my restraints as tears fell from my eyes. The hand on my shoulder cupped my cheek as the other quietly removed my bindings while Adam taunted and teased Dad and the Fakes. The moment I was free, Ryan stepped away from me and pulled a gun from his waistband. With one smooth motion he pointed the gun at Adam, but the slimy bastard caught a glimpse of the movement in the camera and ducked out of the way as he pulled a gun of his own and didn’t hesitate to fire first.

          Ryan wasn’t wearing his jacket, and the tight t-shirt showed that he wasn’t wearing any armor either. Ryan’s eyes widened with shock as he tried to aim in time, but he wasn’t fast enough. I took a deep breath and threw myself at Ryan with as much strength as my adrenaline would let me. Adam’s bullet tore across my back and I howled with pain as I landed roughly on top of Ryan.

          “You dumb fucking cunt,” Adam growled behind me. “You’re not even worth the trouble anymore.”

          I could hear Dad shout for us, but the look in Ryan’s eyes required all of my attention. The haunted look wavered in and out of existence but eventually, it cleared and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had my partner back. Something clicked inside and out, and my pain faded away as Ryan and I leaped into action.

          With a practiced precision, I rolled left while Ryan rolled to the right in time for Adam’s bullet to lodge itself into the floor where we had been. I swung my leg out to sweep Adam’s out from under him and with an extra kick from Ryan he was stumbling away from us. Ryan’s head was clearer than mine and was on his feet and knocking the gun from Adam’s hand before I could stand up straight. I wobbled on shaky legs and caught myself on the table. The cheers of the Fakes echoed through the room as Ryan pinned Adam to the chair I had spent two days strapped to and I smiled as I tried to right myself and a familiar fire ignited in my belly.

          I grabbed a large knife off the table as Ryan strapped him in.

          “Adam,” I breathed as I grabbed a fistful of his curly hair and yanked his head back. “This is for burning my house and my shop.”

          The man screamed as I plunged the knife into his shoulder all the way to the hilt. Ryan stepped back and watched the wave of satisfaction roll over me while the Fakes hissed in response.

          “This is for hurting Ryan and ruining a perfectly good anniversary dinner.”

          I pulled the knife out and stabbed him in the chest.

          “You said his name!” Adam wailed but managed a triumphant grin. “I know Vagabond’s name!”

          “Congratulations,” I hissed as I shoved my hand into Adam’s mouth.

          “Spread the word,” I growled as I cut his tongue out.

          “Stop her!” Dad said quickly as I felt a smile spread across my face.

          The moment Ryan moved towards me, my attention turned to him as I ignored my choking victim and I felt something take a hold of my body. It was a predatory tension, like a wolf watching a rival circle it and waiting for them to attack first. I sneered at Ryan as the monster took a hold of my limbs and my body prepared for a fight.

          “Sug,” Ryan said calmly as he held his hands out to me. “Sug, I need you to listen to me. I know it feels good and it feels right, but you need to stop. There can only be one bloodthirsty monster in this relationship and I handle it better than you.”

          “You’re not helping,” Jack snapped.

          “I know he hurt you Baby,” Ryan continued softly as he stepped forward, eyes flicking towards the knife still clutched in my fist. “I know he hurt both of us and he hurt your dad. I know you’re angry and you want him to suffer, but please Sug, you need to stop before you fall too far.”

          I knew he was right, and even though it felt _so good_ to be tearing Adam apart like this I needed to back down before I lost total control. But the monster still held my body captive, and Adam was still trying to breathe. Ryan reached into his pocket slowly and pulled out a glimmering gold chain.

          The moment the light caught the gem, I felt control slip back into my hands. Just looking at it made me feel a warm pressure on the back of my neck and I remembered the way that morning started. I was warm and so blissfully happy. I thought nothing could bring me down.

          “He’s dead Lil,” Ryan continued as he saw my attention shift and stood beside me. “Now we can go home, get you patched up and we can start over again. Now please, drop the knife and come here.”

          I glanced down at the tied up man, now motionless and staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes. With a heavy sigh, I felt the monster let go completely and retreat to the far corners of my consciousness. My body shook and the knife slipped from my fingers. Ryan had his arms around me before it even hit the ground and something about the sound of it clattering on the concrete shattered my fragile composure.

          I screamed and cried into Ryan’s shoulder, weakly digging my fingers into the fabric of his shirt. Every inhale filled my nose with sandalwood and the faint smell of gunpowder and leather and when I closed my eyes, I let his warmth wash over me. I fit into his arms again, and his hand molded to my waist as the other cradled the back of my head. I became vaguely aware that he was shaking too, and I held onto him even tighter.

          “It’s okay Sug,” he sobbed quietly into my shoulder and he returned my embrace two-fold. “I’ve got you. You’re safe now. I promise.”


	12. Life's a Beach

          I sighed happily as I looked back at myself in the mirror and for the first time in a long time I didn’t see a pale ghost staring back at me. The past few weeks were a blur. I needed to have stitches and my hand needed to be monitored for infection, but the worst of it was the withdrawal. Adam had pumped me so full of drugs that I was already starting to feel sick by the time Ryan was pulling into the Complex. According to the doctors, I had been on a combination of heroin and Xanax so the following day I started to shake and throw up. I started seeing figures out of the corner of my eye and every panic attack would send me into a fit of some kind. I was kept in the infirmary that was in the basement of the Complex for nearly two weeks as the drugs worked their way out of my system. It was a long and tiring process and when I was cleared to be on my own, I made a beeline for my apartment.

          I ran my hands through my hair to pull it out of its bun, careful of my wrapped knuckle and sighed again as the remains of my bubble bath dripped down and into the towel I had wrapped around me. The Fakes were out robbing jewelry stores, so I took a long, hot bath to relax the tense muscles that had developed from my stagnation. They had been sure to keep me up and moving so that I didn’t atrophy, but the hospital bed wasn’t exactly comfortable. And I wanted to waste time before I saw Ryan.

          Because I couldn’t remember exactly what his visits had consisted of, I wasn’t sure where we stood and was afraid that his rogue mission to save me and the moment he was able to get past his memories were all just because I was in danger. I was afraid that he would go back to square one now that I was safe. I pulled on a pair of jeans on and an old t-shirt, vaguely remembering Dad mention that they were going to head out to the beach later tonight if everyone felt up to it.

          I walked out into the living room just as the door slowly opened and my socks slid across the hardwood as Ryan stepped through the doorway. It sounded like a heavy steel door slammed shut behind him as we both froze and stared at each other. He looked like he was waiting for something as his eyes drifted slowly across my face and it wasn’t until he met my gaze that I realized what he was expecting. A wide, blissful smile spread across his face as the haunted shadow he was so used to didn’t show up.

          In two long strides, Ryan was across the room and scooping me up into his arms and we each let out a gasp and slightly pained whimper. It had been so long, and I had been needing it so badly, that the moment his arms closed around me I felt a little bit of pain jolt through me like an electric shock. Tears welled in my eyes as I buried my face into his shoulder and he did the same. Everything within me shattered as I took in a deep breath and clutched Ryan to me, not caring about the way his tight embrace made me see stars. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me farther into the room and let out a startled laugh when I was pinned between him and the couch.

          I stretched out with him on top of me, his weight comforting despite the fact that he was doing very little to hold himself off of me. A brief flash of the night I was kidnapped made my heart race but the moment Ryan nuzzled my shoulder and his hair fell across my face I let out a shuddering sigh. _I was home and safe._

Ryan pulled away enough to look me in the eyes, a few tears making his eye black streak down his cheeks but his eyes were bright with happiness.

          “I love you, Lil,” he breathed before closing the space between us.

          My toes curled and a wave of heat washed over me as our lips came together. I couldn’t fathom how I had gone so long without him and, judging by the way he tensed up then melted into me, Ryan felt the same way. Our lips moved slowly against each other and I felt him shiver as I brought my hands up to spread across his back.

          “I love you too, Ryan,” I managed to get out between sweet kisses.

          One hand came up to cup my cheek as he lifted himself up a little on the other elbow and he groaned softly as I brought one hand forward and unzipped his jacket. I could feel the heat radiating off him and his heartbeat sped up at my touch. He was just as I remembered, firm and toned but still soft and human. His skin bristled as I slid my hand down his side and he shied away when I hit his ticklish waist.

          His surprised giggle made me break out into a wide grin and he responded with a playful growl before nipping at my neck, knowing full well that his scruff tickled me. I tried to shrink away from him, but Ryan had me trapped between him and the back of the couch and all I could do was squeal as he intentionally rubbed his chin against the junction of my neck and shoulder. He gently bit where he was just tickling and an unrestrained moan cut my laughter short. I clutched his shirt in my hands as my cheeks started to heat up and he held himself up with his elbows on either side of my head.

          “What?” he teased, looking pleased as punch. “Too much too fast?”

          “No,” I smiled back as I let my hands wander across his chest. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

          I also wasn’t expecting the way he descended on me again, but this time his hips rolled slightly as he bit my lower lip. Another moan parted my lips and he groaned when my tongue met his and we savored each other. One of Ryan’s hands trailed down my body and pulled my leg up and over his slowly moving hips, dragging his nails across my jeans as he did so. I whimpered his name and smiled as a short huff of pleased laughter warmed my neck before he bit down. I swore loudly as he traced his mark with the tip of his tongue before blowing on it. My hands wandered downward and I was just starting to slip my fingers under his waistband when someone cleared their throat loudly.

          Ryan shot upright fast enough that I saw him sway slightly as the blood rushed from his head, his eyes wide with mortification and lips swollen from the trail of kisses and hickies that had been interrupted by what I recognized as my father. I slowly sat up, barely peeking over the back of the couch to see Dad with his arms crossed and watching Ryan intently while several figures were in various states of hysterics in the hallway outside.

          “Hi Dad,” I muttered weakly. “You still want to go to the beach?”

          “If you think you can take your hands off each other for a few hours,” Dad said dryly.

          “Sure thing,” I grinned, sliding out from between Ryan’s legs and patting the man on the shoulder. “Think you can do that?”

          “I think I can handle that,” he smiled back.

          The elevator was deathly silent and I could feel the eyes that shifted from me, to Dad, to Ryan and I was having just as many problems restraining my smile as the Lads. My cheeks were starting to hurt when Dad hit the stop button, triggering a wave of ‘oooh’s that made Ryan’s perfectly crafted neutrality falter for a moment as the corners of his mouth twitched.

          “Haywood,” Dad started, turning just enough to meet Ryan’s gaze. “We talked about this.”

          “I believe you said I couldn’t do anything more than kiss her in front of you.”

          “Look me in the eyes and tell me that was _just_ kissing.”

          “I didn’t know you were there,” Ryan shrugged smugly. “We were in her apartment after all. You should have knocked.”

          Jeremy snorted and Gavin snickered as I carefully reached between the two and hit the button to continue our ride to the garage. I tried to put myself physically between them, but they continued to stare each other down over my head.

          “Lilith,” Jack said loudly and with a hint of mischief. “How about you ride with me and the Lads?”

          “But Jack,” Michael said dramatically like he was auditioning for an infomercial. “The car we’re taking only holds five people, even if we squeeze three in the backseat.”

          “Ryan’s car can hold two people,” Jeremy added just as enthusiastically.

          “I can ride with Ryan,” I said, hoping to derail what they were trying to make happen.

          “No,” Dad huffed. “I’ll ride with him. He and I have _a lot_ to talk about.”

          “I hate each and every one of you,” I huffed as I was ushered away from the two men who were still watching each other like two cats getting ready to fight.

          “What for Love?” Gavin sang. “Upset that Ryan can’t take you off to some backroad and finish what you started on the couch?”

          I was shoved into the car before I could see Dad’s reaction, and Michael and Jeremy trapped me in the middle of the back seat so I couldn’t watch out the window.

          “Buck up buttercup,” Jeremy teased as he threw an arm around my shoulders. “I’m sure they’ll be _fine.”_

“I hate this,” I grumbled.

          “Why?” Jack chuckled. “All your Dad is going to do is lay down some ground rules… Again.”

          “What do you mean ‘Again’?” I snapped.

          “I mean that when Ryan brought you back from the Hell Bringers, you Dad was quick to lay down rules the moment he saw the Ryan wasn’t afraid anymore.”

          “Like not being able to fuck my own boyfriend?” I muttered, garnering a snort of laughter from Jeremy.

          “Like taking it slow and not pouncing on you the moment you were allowed out of the infirmary,” Jack corrected with an eye roll. “Like not getting too carried away because he doesn’t have to hide his feelings for you.”

          “Ryan? Carried away?” I smirked. “Impossible.”

          “Inconceivable!” Michael shouted.

          “What’s getting carried away though?” I laughed. “I get the feeling Dad and I would put that mark at different places.”

          “Like getting too handsy with you when any of us are around,” Jack chuckled. “Just because we don’t know the man quite as well as you, doesn’t mean we don’t know that he is a very physical person. Geoff’s okay with a little PDA, but I think we all draw the line at anything more than that.”

          “You make it sound like all we ever did was fuck,” I frowned, remembering all the nights we spent in comfortable silence laying in each other’s arms.

          “He certainly didn’t give us the impression that you did it infrequently,” Jack smiled.

          “We’re not horny teenagers,” I sighed. “We’re not going to be sucking face _every_ time you turn around.”

          “ _We_ know that,” Jeremy giggled. “But Geoff’s a whole different story. This is the first time he’s been able to truly step in and meet your boyfriend isn’t it?”

          “It is, and for this exact reason,” I grumbled.

          “He’ll get better sweetheart,” Jack consoled. “Just give it a little time. All this happened very suddenly for him and he’s doing his best.”

          “I know.”

          “So,” Gavin muttered as he looked at me from the passenger seat. “How long before you’re moved in with him.”

          “I give it till the end of the week,” I smiled back.

          The teasing didn’t stop once we reached the beach, if anything it got worse, but I continued to take it in stride. Dad must have made Ryan take a long route for their talk because we already had the fire going by the time Ryan’s Zentorno pulled up.

          “’Bout damn time!” Jack grinned as the two men approached us. “I was afraid we’d have to go looking for Ryan’s body.”

          “I wasn’t that mad Jack,” Dad chuckled as he sat down behind her to wrap his arms around her shoulders. “I was miffed, but not pissed enough to kill him.”

          “You get scolded for getting too frisky?” I teased quietly as Ryan sat down beside me and pulled me flush to his side.

          “Yes,” he smirked softly. “He also said that if he ever heard you moan my name again he was going to throw himself out a window.”

          “That’s fine,” I smiled back as the fire lit up his eyes. “The Lads have been very adamant that I share all your kinks with them. They want ammunition against you.”

          “And what have you told them?”

          “The only thing I’ve divulged is that you’re a biter, but I can’t lie about that.”

          Ryan’s eyes flicked to my neck and he hissed as he saw the marks he had left on my neck. When he looked back up at me, he was apologetic but still playful.

          “I didn’t hear you complaining,” he hummed before kissing my shoulder.

          “You never will,” I smiled back.

          There was a lightly irritated hum and both of us immediately locked eyes with Dad.

          “What Geoff?” Ryan snapped. “What about this is too much?”

          “All of it.”

          “Fine,” I sneered playfully as I stood up. “We’ll just have to sit and cuddle somewhere else.”

          Ryan went wide-eyed as he looked from me to Dad, trying to see the “correct” answer to the dilemma.

          “Just go with your girlfriend numbnuts,” Michael hissed.

          I pat Michael’s shoulder as I walked past him and towards a small pier that I had thrown Gavin from the last time I was here. There was a frustrated sigh and a chorus of giggles before Ryan was by my side. We took off our shoes and sat at the end of the pier with our feet barely in the warm water. I sighed and laid back, staring up at the stars with a content smile.

          “It’s not quite watching the sunrise on Chiliad, but it’s close enough for now.”

          “Close enough to what?” I smiled as Ryan laid on his side next to me.

          “To being alone like that again,” he muttered as he held his head in one hand and traced my jaw with the other. “To feeling like that again.”

          “Like what?” I murmured as he leaned in close, tipping my chin towards him with a gentle finger.

          “Warm. Loved. Human.”

          He punctuated every word with a kiss but pulled away and stared at me long and hard before pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose.

          “Happy.”

          “You’re going to make me cry you big sap,” I smiled.

          “Don’t do that,” he breathed. “I’m tired of making you cry.”

          His eyes fluttered to my neck and the way he froze scared me. I was just about to panic when his hand came up and gently traced the necklace as he laid his head on my shoulder.

          “I was so scared,” he whispered as he followed the gold chain across my collarbones. “We thought you had just run off because you were frustrated. Geoff opened that package and when I saw the necklace wrapped around your finger, I couldn’t move or breathe. I sat in my chair and cried like a fucking baby. In front of the whole crew. I thought you were dead. Even after Geoff read the note and told me that you were still alive, I was half convinced you were gone. For the first time, I didn’t feel like a monster for hurting you. I felt like a monster for not being there to protect you.”

          I turned my head to kiss his forehead the second I felt tears hit my skin and his body stiffened as he tried to control his tears. After a few moments of silence, he let out a long breath that took all the tension with it before kissing the pendant.

          “I realized that, even with everything that happened, you were safer here at home with me and your family. I’m sorry it took torture, losing a finger, and almost losing your sanity for me to come to that realization.”

          “It’s okay Baby,” I whispered back as I ran a hand through his hair, smiling as he sighed against my shoulder. “I’m just glad it’s all over. We can go back to normal now.”

          “Right,” Ryan chuckled. “We can go back to being a normal couple that does normal things like rob strip malls and kill people.”

          “ _Our_ normal,” I corrected with a tug of his hair.

          “Oh good,” Ryan sighed overdramatically. “I was worried you were going to tell me that we needed to take it down a notch.”

          “No, we’re a power couple now,” I grinned. “If anything, we need to kick it up. You and I just killed an entire crew in one night, Vagabond. The bar has been raised. Expectations are high, and we have to deliver.”

          Ryan sat up with a wicked grin to match mine and I bit my lip as he gently nuzzled my nose.

          “I don’t know how Geoff expects me to control myself when you’re talking like that,” he hissed as his lips ghosted across mine.

          “You fucking freak,” I teased.

          “You know you like it, Sug,” he whispered before settling back down and falling silent.

          I closed my eyes and smiled as Ryan’s arms wrapped tightly around me and the sounds of laughter rushed down the beach to meet the crashing waves. I felt a twinge of pain in my chest as I thought about how close I had come to losing all this.

          “I love you, Ryan,” I sighed.

          “I love you too Lilith,” he muttered back before kissing my cheek. “I love you more than anything else in this world.”


	13. Epilogue

          A few days later, I was stuffing the last of my clothes into Ryan’s dresser while he cooked dinner. When I turned around, I grinned from ear to ear when I saw my pillow sitting next to his on the bed. While moving, I briefly considered that maybe we were moving too quickly, but nothing had ever felt more right to me than this moment right now. I was home, with a man who would kill for me and surrounded by friends and family what would do the same with only a little more hesitation.

          I walked into the kitchen feeling like no time had ever passed, like nothing had ever happened, and hopped up onto the counter next to the stove where Ryan was making gravy and mashed potatoes.

          “How long have you been planning all of this?” I laughed as he offered a spoonful of potatoes for me to sample.

          “I uh…” Ryan blushed a little before shrugging it away. “I might have bought all this stuff shortly before your trip to the beach with the Lads. I saw that I was getting better and hoped this would serve as a celebratory dinner. And maybe a makeup anniversary dinner.”

          “You’ve had those steaks for a month or two now?” I questioned as I lightly tapped the window of the oven where they were broiling.

          “They can keep for several months in the freezer thank you very much,” he huffed. “The potatoes, on the other hand, I had to go steal from Geoff.”

          “What?” I laughed as he shrugged away any bashfulness again.

          “You were busy trying to organize your drawers, so I snuck upstairs and snagged two pounds of potatoes.”

          “You devil,” I hissed as I tasted the potatoes. “I can taste the deception. It’s salty and yet savory.”

          “I’m pretty sure that’s the butter.”

          “Even better,” I smiled.

          Ryan turned down the burner under the gravy to let it simmer while the steaks finished cooking before turning to face me. He took my hands in his, running a cautious thumb over the knuckles of my left hand before raising it up and brushing his lips over the bandages. He paused as he looked at the space where my ring finger used to be and let out a sad huff of laughter.

          “You wanna know something?” he asked, looking up at me from under his eyelashes with a mischievous smirk.

          “You kinda got off on seeing me lose my cool?” I guessed.

          “Yes,” he muttered quietly. “But that’s not what I was gonna say.”

          “The missing finger is going to make it easy to slip out of handcuffs.”

          “Once again, you are technically correct but not at all close to what I mean.”

          “What then Mr. Haywood?” I asked, raising an eyebrow when he blushed slightly and looked back at my finger.

          “I’m going to need to exchange the engagement ring I got you for something that will fit that knuckle now that it’s smaller.”

          My jaw fell to the floor as he held back a huge smile and made it a point to not look up at me. Every word I tried to utter came out short and guttural as my brain tried to process the implications of what Ryan just said, my immediate desire to say yes, and the reflection of the dark-haired figure that was standing in the doorway behind me.

          The movement caught Ryan’s attention too and his cocky smirk evaporated as his own mouth fell open uselessly, caught in a surprised loop like me.

          “I came down to tell you that you owe me for the potatoes,” a tired but clearly smiling voice chided. “But now I’m going to have to yell at you for proposing without telling me first.”

          I turned to look at Dad in time to see a red blur take off down the hall with a very faint squeal.

          “I don’t know why I’m surprised,” Dad said with mock hurt as he waved his hand. “You hid the rest of your relationship from me, how is this any different?”

          “Geoff, I-” Ryan huffed, finally snapping out of his shock.

          “Don’t worry about it Rye,” Dad grinned. “You two enjoy your dinner. You know where we’ll be should you feel like being social afterward.”

          “Thanks, Dad,” I sighed.

          “No problem. See you later, _Mrs. Haywood.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so yet another GTA fic comes to a close. Man, this one was a wild right from start to finish. It has spawned another idea that I will work on in the background, but my next GTA fic will be something a little more.... Wild.

**Author's Note:**

> And just when you thought I'd be moving on from GTA fics... lmao what can I say? I love Vagabond. I've got a couple chapters of this already in the backlog, but I'm not 100% sure how long this one will be. It probably won't be more than 15 chapters, but I thought that with Instinct and we can see how that went...
> 
> This is actually a revised version of the first fic (like literally the first story I started writing when I decided to write AH fics), and this story has gone through many versions (including a Geoff pairing) so I hope you all enjoy the final plot line that I've picked for this one.


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